Does Love make you stronger or weaker?
Thought of this brilliant topic to write on.. Guess it had been lingering in my head for the past few months.. Just didn't have the right materials to write a entry on it...
There are many kinds of love.. Just like there are many kinds of men... There is a particular breed of men who enjoy plastering an image of their perfect dream like vulnerable and sweet women on the person they are dating... It is both good and bad..
For one... They will take great effort to ensure that the lady is perfectly well taken care of (as if she is too dumb to look after herself)... This makes the lady feel very much pampered and love.. and at the same time satisfy the man's chivaristic desire to protect something he loves.. It's all good.. except for the woman..
It makes the girl feel that she is loved and pampered but at the same time.. She starts to believe that she is really dumb and vulnerable.. In most cases, girls have mastered the art of acting stupid.. in order to continue this hero save beauty play acting.. However.. there are some girls who simply forget they are acting and really being absolutely vulnerable and needy...
This girls are really one of man's most horrible creations... they forgot how to fend for themselves.. take of themselves.. protect themselves... They really become nothing without men... It is dangerous.. Yes.. its good to feel pampered once in a while.. but to be over-pampered and transformed into a sensitive... easily hurt.. needy creature.. I think the man is doing too much..
The relationship has grown to a level that hinders growth in the girl's personality and character... It is good if the guy loves her.. but if he doesn't and suddenly decides to drop her.. she will be totally devastated... and helpless..
A kind of love that helps a person grow is a love that focuses on reassuring the person of his abilities to achieve great things.. This kind of love should not compromised by fixating your own personal image of your dream girl on your loved one.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Childhood Denise
Was packing up my room... Uncovered a few photo albums from my primary school years... Realised that I was extremely skinny and small when I was in primary school.. And I had messy uneven teeth... My hair style is still pretty much the same... Still have the same smile.. Though I try my best to repress it nowadays.. Modify it into a more lady-like version...
Then a question popped into my head.. What if the 10 year old denise met the 22 year old denise of today? Would she be happy that she has grown into me? Or would she be embarrassed?
I guess the 10 year old denise would be pretty surprised by the 22 year old denise is... The 10 year old denise is a very shy and quiet girl.. really skinny and small.. not really confident.. crooked teeth.. not very popular.. always struggling to gain the favour of a girl in class.. always being bullied.. always worried that she won't be great at all.. always doubting if she would even ever enter university... always worried if she will grow tall and strong...
Look at how far I've come!!! =) It's really a stark contrast... I guess the 10 year old denise would be quite surprised by what she saw... I have grown to be alot taller.. alot bigger.. alot stronger... more out-spoken.. more confident than I had ever imagined myself to be... The 10 year old denise would probably be at awe with the 22 year old denise.. She might be a little upset that dense haven't grown to be as pretty as Fann Wong.. But I guess she would be blown away by the strength, enthusiasm and confidence...
I am so happy that I made it through the last 12 years of my life... It wasn't exactly easy.. But the hardship was necessary... I can only vaguely remember how it was like being 10 years old... I remember having lots of spare time to look at all the posessions I had.. I scrutinised them to the very details because I was so amazed and mesmerised by the concept of owning things... I took great pride in every toy or bag I owned and took time to appreciate their finest details.. I didn't own many things.. but I loved them so much more than the many things I own now...
As a child, I used to loath piano lessons.. I liked ballet lessons.. though I wasn't particularly good at ballet.. I enjoyed wearing the pink thights after ballet and having other little girls admire me... In the 5 years that I stopped ballet.. I remember feeling jealous whenever I saw girls in buns and pink thights walking by...
I remember being hurt by mean little comments from my classmates... and not being confident enough to know that they are inconsequential and childish... I remember crying alot.. in public and private...
I remember the years that I had serious hyperthyriodism... when my calves would cramp up in the middle of sleep and my neck was so swollen it could fill my entire palm... My eyes started to bulge.. I remember giving up on all my hopes of ever being pretty because of the illness.. I remember feeling so lonely and helpless and unloved... Sometimes i hoped that I could just die... but I held on to the fervent belief that things would change for the better as I age...
In my secondary school years... I was in constant conflict whether or not to take my medication for thyroid disease... If I ate it.. it would cause weight gain.. which is a serious issue for me... If I did not.. it would cause my condition to deteoriorate... But as a teenager.. I didn't want to be ugly and fat... It was a serious issue to me then...
Somehow.. my childhood is filled with so many snipshots of suicide intentions.. and emotional and physical trauma that I have unintentionally blocked out so many memories.. It is only today.. when I looked through the photos that I begin to remember that even I had a past.. and I was young before... It was a arduous task trying to recall what my childhood was like.. I have literally brainwashed myself into forgetting about a whole big chunk of my past... It's amazing...
But I am glad that I am finally remembering it... It gives my experiences some credit.. because I am here... right now.. only because of the path that lies behind me..
Then a question popped into my head.. What if the 10 year old denise met the 22 year old denise of today? Would she be happy that she has grown into me? Or would she be embarrassed?
I guess the 10 year old denise would be pretty surprised by the 22 year old denise is... The 10 year old denise is a very shy and quiet girl.. really skinny and small.. not really confident.. crooked teeth.. not very popular.. always struggling to gain the favour of a girl in class.. always being bullied.. always worried that she won't be great at all.. always doubting if she would even ever enter university... always worried if she will grow tall and strong...
Look at how far I've come!!! =) It's really a stark contrast... I guess the 10 year old denise would be quite surprised by what she saw... I have grown to be alot taller.. alot bigger.. alot stronger... more out-spoken.. more confident than I had ever imagined myself to be... The 10 year old denise would probably be at awe with the 22 year old denise.. She might be a little upset that dense haven't grown to be as pretty as Fann Wong.. But I guess she would be blown away by the strength, enthusiasm and confidence...
I am so happy that I made it through the last 12 years of my life... It wasn't exactly easy.. But the hardship was necessary... I can only vaguely remember how it was like being 10 years old... I remember having lots of spare time to look at all the posessions I had.. I scrutinised them to the very details because I was so amazed and mesmerised by the concept of owning things... I took great pride in every toy or bag I owned and took time to appreciate their finest details.. I didn't own many things.. but I loved them so much more than the many things I own now...
As a child, I used to loath piano lessons.. I liked ballet lessons.. though I wasn't particularly good at ballet.. I enjoyed wearing the pink thights after ballet and having other little girls admire me... In the 5 years that I stopped ballet.. I remember feeling jealous whenever I saw girls in buns and pink thights walking by...
I remember being hurt by mean little comments from my classmates... and not being confident enough to know that they are inconsequential and childish... I remember crying alot.. in public and private...
I remember the years that I had serious hyperthyriodism... when my calves would cramp up in the middle of sleep and my neck was so swollen it could fill my entire palm... My eyes started to bulge.. I remember giving up on all my hopes of ever being pretty because of the illness.. I remember feeling so lonely and helpless and unloved... Sometimes i hoped that I could just die... but I held on to the fervent belief that things would change for the better as I age...
In my secondary school years... I was in constant conflict whether or not to take my medication for thyroid disease... If I ate it.. it would cause weight gain.. which is a serious issue for me... If I did not.. it would cause my condition to deteoriorate... But as a teenager.. I didn't want to be ugly and fat... It was a serious issue to me then...
Somehow.. my childhood is filled with so many snipshots of suicide intentions.. and emotional and physical trauma that I have unintentionally blocked out so many memories.. It is only today.. when I looked through the photos that I begin to remember that even I had a past.. and I was young before... It was a arduous task trying to recall what my childhood was like.. I have literally brainwashed myself into forgetting about a whole big chunk of my past... It's amazing...
But I am glad that I am finally remembering it... It gives my experiences some credit.. because I am here... right now.. only because of the path that lies behind me..
Monday, July 21, 2008
Provider and Provided
In every relationship there are two roles...
1) Provider
2) Provided
In every healthy relationship the two parties will alternate in being the provider... As it is always easier and more comfortable being provided for, it is essential that each party take turns to provide for each other in order to keep each other going at their best...
The problem in many relationships is that people tend to think in the shoes of the provided... We tend to ask questions like why are we not being provided enough? Why is the other party not doing enough? It is love that makes us take on the role of the provider to ask ourselves whether there is anything more we can do for the other party.
As Martin Luther King said "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" (Pardon me if I'm wrong.. I am not very knowledgeble)
The thing is... you are happiest when both parties spontaneously take on the role of the provider.. You get two happy parties both comfortably provided.. with happy surprises and reaffirmations of love...
When you are feeling upset.. sick or uncomfortable.. you tend to take on the role of the provided... You ask your friends and family why are they not doing enough for you? And you fall into self pity thinking that they do not love you..
It is a dangerous position to be... For one.. you begin the vicious cycle of "since he don't love me enough, I shall ignore him.. and not provide anymore for him." This will spiral into him reciprocating that effect and out of a sudden... You get the disaster you are asking for..
So whenever in doubt.. always assume the role of the provider... Remember.. Love is the solution to every problem...
1) Provider
2) Provided
In every healthy relationship the two parties will alternate in being the provider... As it is always easier and more comfortable being provided for, it is essential that each party take turns to provide for each other in order to keep each other going at their best...
The problem in many relationships is that people tend to think in the shoes of the provided... We tend to ask questions like why are we not being provided enough? Why is the other party not doing enough? It is love that makes us take on the role of the provider to ask ourselves whether there is anything more we can do for the other party.
As Martin Luther King said "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" (Pardon me if I'm wrong.. I am not very knowledgeble)
The thing is... you are happiest when both parties spontaneously take on the role of the provider.. You get two happy parties both comfortably provided.. with happy surprises and reaffirmations of love...
When you are feeling upset.. sick or uncomfortable.. you tend to take on the role of the provided... You ask your friends and family why are they not doing enough for you? And you fall into self pity thinking that they do not love you..
It is a dangerous position to be... For one.. you begin the vicious cycle of "since he don't love me enough, I shall ignore him.. and not provide anymore for him." This will spiral into him reciprocating that effect and out of a sudden... You get the disaster you are asking for..
So whenever in doubt.. always assume the role of the provider... Remember.. Love is the solution to every problem...
The Dark Knight
Watched the latest batman.. the dark knight.. Found it greatly disturbing.. It is the character Joker... his uncanny resemblance to me.. (as I imagine) that clearly sends a message across.. that intelligence itself could be a key to madness... Think about it.. Intelligence..
The movie is so highly multi dimensional.. every single character is multi dimensional.. they ALL have their dark side.. and for that matter.. they ALL have their good side... or rather.. their pitiable side.. even the joker..
As the joker relates stories of how he was abused as a child.. how his wife left him... you find yourself sympatising with the joker... well.. that's bad.. because you see some part of yourself in him.. that makes it harder for you to hate him.. you start rationalising that perhaps it was self-pity.. a whole lot of uncontrolled.. unchanneled emotions that led to the desperate need for violence and chaos... And when you realise that he is actually just a man under all that make up and that violence.. you start getting conflicted..
That's bad.. but it is good... to the script writer and movie director.. GOOD JOB!!! This is life.. as it is.. it is not so simple.. Not all villians are entirely bad... In fact, even Adolf Hitler had a human side to him...
"Madness is like gravity.. All I had to do was to give a little push."
Perhaps it is good to give yourself time to settle some of the questions in your head... Ground yourself.. in God preferably.. because.. what the joker said is true.. madness is like gravity.. and it is not too far from sanity.. I understand this because I live with a difficult sister who drives me to the brink of sanity every other day... and later convinces me that I am insane.. (much like the joker tried to convince bat man that he is insane)..
I guess you've got to ask yourself.. who are you? What are you inside? Are you in control? Are you crazy? If you're not crazy.. do not let anyone convince you that you are... hold on to your marbles... and remain in control.. if you can't do it with your power, use the strength of God...
Perhaps.. intelligence is really only a step closer to madness ... or perhaps it's just another one of the devil's attempts to twart something beautiful into something ugly... perhaps intelligence if used in the right way can save the world.. and it has.. so many times.. it is just that when used wrongly.. it hurts greatly too.. and humans tend to remember the bad times so much more than the good..
I guess I made my choice... intelligence is good... Confidence is essential.. Do not let anyone convince you that you are crazy.
The movie is so highly multi dimensional.. every single character is multi dimensional.. they ALL have their dark side.. and for that matter.. they ALL have their good side... or rather.. their pitiable side.. even the joker..
As the joker relates stories of how he was abused as a child.. how his wife left him... you find yourself sympatising with the joker... well.. that's bad.. because you see some part of yourself in him.. that makes it harder for you to hate him.. you start rationalising that perhaps it was self-pity.. a whole lot of uncontrolled.. unchanneled emotions that led to the desperate need for violence and chaos... And when you realise that he is actually just a man under all that make up and that violence.. you start getting conflicted..
That's bad.. but it is good... to the script writer and movie director.. GOOD JOB!!! This is life.. as it is.. it is not so simple.. Not all villians are entirely bad... In fact, even Adolf Hitler had a human side to him...
"Madness is like gravity.. All I had to do was to give a little push."
Perhaps it is good to give yourself time to settle some of the questions in your head... Ground yourself.. in God preferably.. because.. what the joker said is true.. madness is like gravity.. and it is not too far from sanity.. I understand this because I live with a difficult sister who drives me to the brink of sanity every other day... and later convinces me that I am insane.. (much like the joker tried to convince bat man that he is insane)..
I guess you've got to ask yourself.. who are you? What are you inside? Are you in control? Are you crazy? If you're not crazy.. do not let anyone convince you that you are... hold on to your marbles... and remain in control.. if you can't do it with your power, use the strength of God...
Perhaps.. intelligence is really only a step closer to madness ... or perhaps it's just another one of the devil's attempts to twart something beautiful into something ugly... perhaps intelligence if used in the right way can save the world.. and it has.. so many times.. it is just that when used wrongly.. it hurts greatly too.. and humans tend to remember the bad times so much more than the good..
I guess I made my choice... intelligence is good... Confidence is essential.. Do not let anyone convince you that you are crazy.
Some random thoughts
PA-STF tournament is finally over... Did well... Did very well in fact...in my own opinion.. It is really is the LORD carrying me through the game... Serious.. with all my injuries... and severe lack of experience... I was able to perform.... To God be the Glory!
It's remarkable how much closer I am to my club buddies nowadays.. Really feel the bonding.. But I know that it is not with my effort that all this was achieved.. it is all God and nothing me... I must always remember that.. and whatever God has established... no one can destroy... So I will not be threatened by whoever or whatever that tries to come in and wreak madness... my faith is in the LORD...
It is when you are facing real challenges.. or new things... that you realise how vulnerable you actually are.. you start to realise that without God.. you are nothing.. and we all need to have this constant reminder to keep us close to God.. So when in doubt.. always remember to try new things... move out of your comfort zone... the further you move from it.. the closer you are to God.... (arguable, another blog entry)
When God closes a window, he opens a door... I know, I know, it is a cheesy line.. but it is true... it is true... well, for bigger, obvious things like relationships.. moving from one guy to another... or jobs.. moving from one job to another... it might be a cliche.. but the truth is... this is the principle that applies to many other knitty gritty areas of your life...
Picture this.. daredevil... the Marvel comic strip hero.. he lost his eye sight.. but all his other senses were heightened... If you think about it... he is just a blind man.. but no.. he achieved so much more than that.. he became the fearsome superhero... Well, all this doesn't sound quite convincing eh? Even I'm not convinced.. and I am writting this.. haha
I guess what I am driving at is the prevalent lack of respect for bad experiences... We look upon the dark past of our seniors and judge them... some of us, the more idealistic of the lot, will choose to delude ourselves and convince ourselves that the bad past is just a bad ugly mistake.. all you have to do is to ignore it and move on with life..
This sadly, does not give due credit to the importance of that piece of experience in that person's life.. Because... surely.. we are what we are today because of what we were yesterday.. we are where we are now.. because of the road that lies behind us (from matrix reloaded)
I have never seen anyone learn anything great from success or honorable experiences... It is the embarrassing and humiliating mistakes we make.. the times we fall... that teaches us most... and so many of the time... we make such great mistakes that we find it even hard to forgive ourselves.. but once we learn to come into terms with our folly.. and realise how small we actually are in God's gigantic puzzle.. these bad experiences serve to humble and remind us.. that however much we struggle.. and however flawless our plans are... we are nothing without God...
Furthermore, these dark experiences would certainly deter you from judging others from a position of self-righteousness.. Because you truly start to understand.. that underneath it all.. we are all the same.. helpless humans lost to the world... You will start to give God his due place in the puzzle...and understand his power and greatness...
Perhaps... our time on earth is just the time given to us to discover God and discover who we really are as God's beloved.. man... perhaps god created all of us... with the intention of prospering us and training us into great men.. but even more so.. to train us into humble children of God...
There is one proverb that left an impression on me.. it says that no establishment can be established based on wickedness and that the center of every institution is righteousness... yes... so I am certain that there is still good the place I left behind.. and not only good but great goodness.. Just understand this.. there are two main forms of righteousness...
1) self righteousness
2) Righteousness based on the blood of Jesus
Any establishment must have either one to sustain.. and its leader confident either in himself or in God... Of course.. I am for the latter.. because I understand that underneath it all.. we are just humans.. helpless children of God... we falter sometimes.. but God never falters.. and it is in him that I trust...
It's remarkable how much closer I am to my club buddies nowadays.. Really feel the bonding.. But I know that it is not with my effort that all this was achieved.. it is all God and nothing me... I must always remember that.. and whatever God has established... no one can destroy... So I will not be threatened by whoever or whatever that tries to come in and wreak madness... my faith is in the LORD...
It is when you are facing real challenges.. or new things... that you realise how vulnerable you actually are.. you start to realise that without God.. you are nothing.. and we all need to have this constant reminder to keep us close to God.. So when in doubt.. always remember to try new things... move out of your comfort zone... the further you move from it.. the closer you are to God.... (arguable, another blog entry)
When God closes a window, he opens a door... I know, I know, it is a cheesy line.. but it is true... it is true... well, for bigger, obvious things like relationships.. moving from one guy to another... or jobs.. moving from one job to another... it might be a cliche.. but the truth is... this is the principle that applies to many other knitty gritty areas of your life...
Picture this.. daredevil... the Marvel comic strip hero.. he lost his eye sight.. but all his other senses were heightened... If you think about it... he is just a blind man.. but no.. he achieved so much more than that.. he became the fearsome superhero... Well, all this doesn't sound quite convincing eh? Even I'm not convinced.. and I am writting this.. haha
I guess what I am driving at is the prevalent lack of respect for bad experiences... We look upon the dark past of our seniors and judge them... some of us, the more idealistic of the lot, will choose to delude ourselves and convince ourselves that the bad past is just a bad ugly mistake.. all you have to do is to ignore it and move on with life..
This sadly, does not give due credit to the importance of that piece of experience in that person's life.. Because... surely.. we are what we are today because of what we were yesterday.. we are where we are now.. because of the road that lies behind us (from matrix reloaded)
I have never seen anyone learn anything great from success or honorable experiences... It is the embarrassing and humiliating mistakes we make.. the times we fall... that teaches us most... and so many of the time... we make such great mistakes that we find it even hard to forgive ourselves.. but once we learn to come into terms with our folly.. and realise how small we actually are in God's gigantic puzzle.. these bad experiences serve to humble and remind us.. that however much we struggle.. and however flawless our plans are... we are nothing without God...
Furthermore, these dark experiences would certainly deter you from judging others from a position of self-righteousness.. Because you truly start to understand.. that underneath it all.. we are all the same.. helpless humans lost to the world... You will start to give God his due place in the puzzle...and understand his power and greatness...
Perhaps... our time on earth is just the time given to us to discover God and discover who we really are as God's beloved.. man... perhaps god created all of us... with the intention of prospering us and training us into great men.. but even more so.. to train us into humble children of God...
There is one proverb that left an impression on me.. it says that no establishment can be established based on wickedness and that the center of every institution is righteousness... yes... so I am certain that there is still good the place I left behind.. and not only good but great goodness.. Just understand this.. there are two main forms of righteousness...
1) self righteousness
2) Righteousness based on the blood of Jesus
Any establishment must have either one to sustain.. and its leader confident either in himself or in God... Of course.. I am for the latter.. because I understand that underneath it all.. we are just humans.. helpless children of God... we falter sometimes.. but God never falters.. and it is in him that I trust...
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A song - Jesus, Not anyone else
Jesus, Not anyone else
Jesus,
You're the one who died for me,
Not anyone else.
Not anyone else.
Jesus,
You're the one who cried for me,
Not anyone else.
Not anyone else.
When I am feeling sad and lonely,
and the world grows upon me,
and the world grows upon me.
I don't have to run no where,
Cos Jesus's running to me,
And he'll be right beside me.
Cos Jesus,
You're the one who died for me,
Not anyone else,
Not anyone else.
Jesus,
You're the one who cried for me,
Not anyone else,
Not anyone else.
___________________________________________
Co-wrote this christian song with my sister. It is remarkable how a song can really comfort you in times of worry. Especially for a person as clingy as me.. I tend to cling on to my friends and be afraid of losing them. It is then that I realise that I define my happiness too much by how my relationship is with people... and when people dissapoint me.. I really get depressed..
This song serves to remind me that it is Jesus that we all must look to at all times.. Because Jesus was the one who cried for us and loved us so much to die for us. Think about it... it is really all that matters... Jesus still loves us as much as he did when he was on the cross... never forget that.. feed on his love for you... and everything else.. all your relationship matters will fade into unimportance.
Jesus,
You're the one who died for me,
Not anyone else.
Not anyone else.
Jesus,
You're the one who cried for me,
Not anyone else.
Not anyone else.
When I am feeling sad and lonely,
and the world grows upon me,
and the world grows upon me.
I don't have to run no where,
Cos Jesus's running to me,
And he'll be right beside me.
Cos Jesus,
You're the one who died for me,
Not anyone else,
Not anyone else.
Jesus,
You're the one who cried for me,
Not anyone else,
Not anyone else.
___________________________________________
Co-wrote this christian song with my sister. It is remarkable how a song can really comfort you in times of worry. Especially for a person as clingy as me.. I tend to cling on to my friends and be afraid of losing them. It is then that I realise that I define my happiness too much by how my relationship is with people... and when people dissapoint me.. I really get depressed..
This song serves to remind me that it is Jesus that we all must look to at all times.. Because Jesus was the one who cried for us and loved us so much to die for us. Think about it... it is really all that matters... Jesus still loves us as much as he did when he was on the cross... never forget that.. feed on his love for you... and everything else.. all your relationship matters will fade into unimportance.
Poem - Wisdom
It is not wisdom that makes us worry about tommorrow,
It is the lack the lack of faith in God.
For the LORD looks after every area of your life,
And he wishes that beyond all things,
your mind and heart is guarded from worry.
Worry robs us of peace,
It creates a void within us,
and Makes us incomplete.
Why empty yourself when you can be filled with God?
Wisdom is to completely understand
that the LORD is in control of all things,
and that we are totally out of control.
The ability to lean on the LORD,
and learn to be children of God,
in their full majesty of childish reliance on God,
Wisdom is as such.
It is the lack the lack of faith in God.
For the LORD looks after every area of your life,
And he wishes that beyond all things,
your mind and heart is guarded from worry.
Worry robs us of peace,
It creates a void within us,
and Makes us incomplete.
Why empty yourself when you can be filled with God?
Wisdom is to completely understand
that the LORD is in control of all things,
and that we are totally out of control.
The ability to lean on the LORD,
and learn to be children of God,
in their full majesty of childish reliance on God,
Wisdom is as such.
Psalm 127
*********Psalm 127*************
(A song of ascents. Of Solomon)
Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for good to eat -
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
____________________________________________
There is a prevalent message being taught to every child from the time they are able to understand the human language - the message of hard work being surely rewarded... The unfortunate thing is that most of us fail to give God his due place in the equation.. The erroneous teaching of
Hard work = Success
has led many people into dissapointment and depression... The truth is... no amount of hard work can guarantee success.. It is the LORD who brings victory.. and as it turns out.. our LORD is great God... he delights in empowering the weak and bringing success beyong their wildest dreams... In fact while hard work is necessary most of the time.. it is not the crucial point.. the equation to success should look more like this...
God = Success
Hard work + God = Success
Of course I am not telling you that hard work is not good... But God grants sleep and rest to those he loves.. even their hard work will seem pleasing and enjoyable because the LORD will bless them with the passion and desire to perform well....
Hard work is good... But remember this... if you work so hard that you neglect your health, your family and your friends... then you will be not be living the life God has planned out for you.. Because God's success is great and pure... and he adds no suffering to it...
When in doubt.. always remember this.. God works best when you rest... It is a tiring task pouncing at every single shadow of a threat... It robs you of health and peace.. Instead.. practise letting go and letting God settle the issue for you... because when God settles it for you.. it is a perfect job...
Rest my friends... let your mind relax.. remember that at the end of the day... it is God who holds all the cards and chips... we can work hard... but don't count on your own hard work to bring success.. instead look to the LORD at all times...
(A song of ascents. Of Solomon)
Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for good to eat -
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
____________________________________________
There is a prevalent message being taught to every child from the time they are able to understand the human language - the message of hard work being surely rewarded... The unfortunate thing is that most of us fail to give God his due place in the equation.. The erroneous teaching of
Hard work = Success
has led many people into dissapointment and depression... The truth is... no amount of hard work can guarantee success.. It is the LORD who brings victory.. and as it turns out.. our LORD is great God... he delights in empowering the weak and bringing success beyong their wildest dreams... In fact while hard work is necessary most of the time.. it is not the crucial point.. the equation to success should look more like this...
God = Success
Hard work + God = Success
Of course I am not telling you that hard work is not good... But God grants sleep and rest to those he loves.. even their hard work will seem pleasing and enjoyable because the LORD will bless them with the passion and desire to perform well....
Hard work is good... But remember this... if you work so hard that you neglect your health, your family and your friends... then you will be not be living the life God has planned out for you.. Because God's success is great and pure... and he adds no suffering to it...
When in doubt.. always remember this.. God works best when you rest... It is a tiring task pouncing at every single shadow of a threat... It robs you of health and peace.. Instead.. practise letting go and letting God settle the issue for you... because when God settles it for you.. it is a perfect job...
Rest my friends... let your mind relax.. remember that at the end of the day... it is God who holds all the cards and chips... we can work hard... but don't count on your own hard work to bring success.. instead look to the LORD at all times...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Diamonds in the dust
I absolutely love this one... Dated 13/5/2007. My old blog.
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I need to admit it. We all have our flaws. The world didn't get uglier, I just became less forgiving. I look upon your flaws and abhor them as if I have none of my own. It is really a deeper step into narcissism and self-destruction. For the fury and tempers resulting from such unforgiving behavior will lead inevitably to my death. I am a good person I know that. And its easy for me to conclude that I am a person with a bad temper too. But I am not. I am not like that at all. Something is making me like that.
What is it? It is the lack of love. I need to remember what it is like to love others enough to forgive them even before the sins are committed. Such that i will have no temper to lose in the first place. No. It is deeper than that. I need to reunderstand the fact that their sins are not for me to forgive. It is for God to forgive. And God in heaven, can no longer see the sins of his believers, because they are covered by the blood of Christ Jesus.
What about the non believers. You have to understand the fact that God loves all of is. Every single one. Christian or non-christian alike. When he sent Christ to die for us on the cross. Christ died for every single one of us. All you have to do is acknowledge this fact and believe it and you are saved. Similarly, he would want us to love thy neighbour greatly, whether or not he/she is a sinner. A big sinner or a small sinner. A good man or a bad man. A christian or a non christian.
Therefore, we are not here to judge who is a bigger sinner and who is deserving of our love. Instead, our mission is to be kind and nice to every one. Just christ has been to us all.Christians. You are the people who will inherit the world. You are recieving, even at this moment, the abundance of God's goodness, his blessings and most importantly, his peace. You do amazing things. But it is not of your own making. It is through the power of God. You glorify him. And he finds favour in you. He didn't call you to this earth to do simple things that normal people can do. He has called you to do great things. Things that are impossible with the power of man. He has called you to love thy enemy. He has called you to not only be forgiving. But to understand that there is nothing to forgive for the price of sin is already paid.
So, instead of constantly finding fault in those around you, learn to develop an eye for greatness. Pick out the diamonds within the dust of human flaws. Build this diamonds up. Do not DO NOT focus on the dust. It is so easy to be distracted by the flaws of man. But son of God, you will suceed. Because, you are not man, you are of God. You will be able to see the diamonds.So, when the time comes when someone pushes you to your limit and a group of people trepasses violently against you. Do not stand up against them. Do not match violence with violence. Instead, show them with tendy mercies. Touch them with kind words. Do not stand up and scold them. It will make you seem self-righteous. And the messages you wish to send will be lost in hatred and jealousy. Instead, hold your words and touch them with actions.
It is wrong to lose your temper. But you need not feel condemned. Imagine your Christ Jesus has died for you on the cross. He suffered greatly. with every stroke of the whip and every nail, every skin ripped apart and flesh torn, the paid the price for your temper. You need not feel guilt for on the day you were reborn, Christ removed guilt from your life. He took on the responsibility for your sin, he paid the price. Feeling guilty will only disacknowledge this fact. Be joyful, forgive yourself.
You are a light. But lights need others lights to survive. But do not fall into the trap of relying on man. Especially those who do not yet know God. For as much as they can help you, they can hurt and misguide you. (Remember: I wrote this two years ago.. I don't feel like that any longer.. with regards to this point)
Instead, when in doubt, consult God's word. Ask the holy spirit for guidance. Consult your christian friends, for they are positioned strategically to provide the assistance you need. You may feel the world's pressure mounting on you now. But listen. However ugly, or heavy it may appear. You need not bear it at all. God will send his angels to bear it for you. And you will always be in excess. You will be blessed excessively such that you will always have enough to give. And when you think that you are no longer capable of giving, it is when you lose sight of the glory of God.
Fix your eyes not on the storms and circumstances in your life, fix your eyes on the ultimate power of God. This way, you will never falter. God will keep your head high till your slumber arrises and you join him on his heavenly throne.
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I need to admit it. We all have our flaws. The world didn't get uglier, I just became less forgiving. I look upon your flaws and abhor them as if I have none of my own. It is really a deeper step into narcissism and self-destruction. For the fury and tempers resulting from such unforgiving behavior will lead inevitably to my death. I am a good person I know that. And its easy for me to conclude that I am a person with a bad temper too. But I am not. I am not like that at all. Something is making me like that.
What is it? It is the lack of love. I need to remember what it is like to love others enough to forgive them even before the sins are committed. Such that i will have no temper to lose in the first place. No. It is deeper than that. I need to reunderstand the fact that their sins are not for me to forgive. It is for God to forgive. And God in heaven, can no longer see the sins of his believers, because they are covered by the blood of Christ Jesus.
What about the non believers. You have to understand the fact that God loves all of is. Every single one. Christian or non-christian alike. When he sent Christ to die for us on the cross. Christ died for every single one of us. All you have to do is acknowledge this fact and believe it and you are saved. Similarly, he would want us to love thy neighbour greatly, whether or not he/she is a sinner. A big sinner or a small sinner. A good man or a bad man. A christian or a non christian.
Therefore, we are not here to judge who is a bigger sinner and who is deserving of our love. Instead, our mission is to be kind and nice to every one. Just christ has been to us all.Christians. You are the people who will inherit the world. You are recieving, even at this moment, the abundance of God's goodness, his blessings and most importantly, his peace. You do amazing things. But it is not of your own making. It is through the power of God. You glorify him. And he finds favour in you. He didn't call you to this earth to do simple things that normal people can do. He has called you to do great things. Things that are impossible with the power of man. He has called you to love thy enemy. He has called you to not only be forgiving. But to understand that there is nothing to forgive for the price of sin is already paid.
So, instead of constantly finding fault in those around you, learn to develop an eye for greatness. Pick out the diamonds within the dust of human flaws. Build this diamonds up. Do not DO NOT focus on the dust. It is so easy to be distracted by the flaws of man. But son of God, you will suceed. Because, you are not man, you are of God. You will be able to see the diamonds.So, when the time comes when someone pushes you to your limit and a group of people trepasses violently against you. Do not stand up against them. Do not match violence with violence. Instead, show them with tendy mercies. Touch them with kind words. Do not stand up and scold them. It will make you seem self-righteous. And the messages you wish to send will be lost in hatred and jealousy. Instead, hold your words and touch them with actions.
It is wrong to lose your temper. But you need not feel condemned. Imagine your Christ Jesus has died for you on the cross. He suffered greatly. with every stroke of the whip and every nail, every skin ripped apart and flesh torn, the paid the price for your temper. You need not feel guilt for on the day you were reborn, Christ removed guilt from your life. He took on the responsibility for your sin, he paid the price. Feeling guilty will only disacknowledge this fact. Be joyful, forgive yourself.
You are a light. But lights need others lights to survive. But do not fall into the trap of relying on man. Especially those who do not yet know God. For as much as they can help you, they can hurt and misguide you. (Remember: I wrote this two years ago.. I don't feel like that any longer.. with regards to this point)
Instead, when in doubt, consult God's word. Ask the holy spirit for guidance. Consult your christian friends, for they are positioned strategically to provide the assistance you need. You may feel the world's pressure mounting on you now. But listen. However ugly, or heavy it may appear. You need not bear it at all. God will send his angels to bear it for you. And you will always be in excess. You will be blessed excessively such that you will always have enough to give. And when you think that you are no longer capable of giving, it is when you lose sight of the glory of God.
Fix your eyes not on the storms and circumstances in your life, fix your eyes on the ultimate power of God. This way, you will never falter. God will keep your head high till your slumber arrises and you join him on his heavenly throne.
Angel in disguise
Another production of my youth... =) dated 19/10/2006
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Angel in disguise
"Am i crazy? You said trust no one. I find it hardest to trust myself."
"You are not crazy. You are confused and young."
"But they say that i am crazy. What have to say about that."
"They do not understand you. At all. They do not know why you do the things you do. It disturbs them. They reason to themselves that if you are sane, that would make them insane. The thought of their own insanity makes them upset. They throw this notion of insanity upon your head to shun self-contempt."
"That is selfish and mean."
"It is only a means of survival."
"Am i a good person?"
"Tough question. It is hard to define if you are a good person or not if there is in fact no clear definition of goodness."
"Goodness is the absence of evil?"
"Not exactly. There are always things that are neither good nor bad. These things are neutral."
"Am i neutral?"
"No. It's bad to be neutral. Its better to be good or bad. Its better to live life taking a side rather than to sit on the fence. Remember, it doesn't matter if you are good or bad. Most imporantly, you must think that you are good. You will act according to what you think you are.""Yes. Hitler probably thought he was good too."
"Precisely. And for that last few years before his death, he was happy."
"It appears that you want me to be happy."
"Yes i do. I can't stand your sorrow. It kills me. But more than anything, i want you to grow, to learn."
"Am i crazy? Am i good?"
"What do you think?"
"I am not crazy and i am the best person on earth. I am an angel in disguise."
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Angel in disguise
"Am i crazy? You said trust no one. I find it hardest to trust myself."
"You are not crazy. You are confused and young."
"But they say that i am crazy. What have to say about that."
"They do not understand you. At all. They do not know why you do the things you do. It disturbs them. They reason to themselves that if you are sane, that would make them insane. The thought of their own insanity makes them upset. They throw this notion of insanity upon your head to shun self-contempt."
"That is selfish and mean."
"It is only a means of survival."
"Am i a good person?"
"Tough question. It is hard to define if you are a good person or not if there is in fact no clear definition of goodness."
"Goodness is the absence of evil?"
"Not exactly. There are always things that are neither good nor bad. These things are neutral."
"Am i neutral?"
"No. It's bad to be neutral. Its better to be good or bad. Its better to live life taking a side rather than to sit on the fence. Remember, it doesn't matter if you are good or bad. Most imporantly, you must think that you are good. You will act according to what you think you are.""Yes. Hitler probably thought he was good too."
"Precisely. And for that last few years before his death, he was happy."
"It appears that you want me to be happy."
"Yes i do. I can't stand your sorrow. It kills me. But more than anything, i want you to grow, to learn."
"Am i crazy? Am i good?"
"What do you think?"
"I am not crazy and i am the best person on earth. I am an angel in disguise."
Review on old blog entry -blogs are bad
Wrote this blog entry many years ago on the October 18 2006, when I was just 19 years old. It is entitled blogs are bad... It's the birth entry of one of my blog sites..
while the subsequent blog entries seemed pretty self-obsessing and brimming with self-importance and neglect of the environment... I found this one to be quite interesting... Yes.. it is also, to some extent, brimming with self importance but the introduction of an additional voice.. the self-correcting holy spirit... seems to add a mature dimension to this blog entry...
On a higher level, what is most enticing as well as disturbing about this blog entry is the presence of two completely different characters capable of different levels of maturity within one single entity...
Is makes us ponder... is there really a holy spirit within all of us?
With all that said, looking at my old blog.. (I just unearthed it).. I must say that I am remarkbly embarassed by it... shy by the fact that I used to see the world revolve around myself... Could it be that maturity has finally hit me? Or maybe I have successfully convinced myself that I am nothing but a small pawn in God's big game...
Whatever it is... enjoy this blog entry.. It is intriguing and disturbing... like a macaroon.. or a mulit-layered cheese cake.. gets better as it progresses... The pride of the production of my youth...
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Blogs are bad
"Blogs are bad. They reveal too much of yourself to the world. They make you weak. "
"What is this obsession with weakness? Why must you be strong?"
"The world is filled with evil people. I must be strong to protect myself? No one will protect me."
"But you have friends. Don't they love you?"
"What is friendship? A mutual dependence? A quiet competition? How can I trust it? How do i know its real?"
"Why are you so afraid? Have you been hurt before?"
"In many ways."
"Your heart is filled with wounds then?"
"Not wounds. Scars. Yes, wounds. Some of them never really recovered. It's just a scab. when it is lifted, you will see the blood. It still hurts. People tend to enjoy flicking the scab. It will never recover."
"Your Heart is hungry."
"Yes it is. It hungers for true love. "
"You hunger for someone to love you?"
"Yes and no. I wish to be loved. But more than that, i wish to have someone to love. And not to love secretly but wildly and with all the passion of life."
"But so do all of them. They all hope to be loved. Why don't you show them love."
"No one has loved me greatly before. My faint image of love is all that i can give. How is it possible that one can give a love that she has not recieved before. I can only love you as much as the greatest love i have recieved."
"You sound sad. You pity youself."
"Yes, and self-pity is the greatest sin of all. It leads to thoughts of death. Of disrespecting the sanctity of life. I hate it but on days like today, when my heart is filled to its brim with sadness, it is only natural to indulge a little in it."
"I pity you. Let me share you a secret. When God made this world, he gave it a magical power to self-correct. That is to say, if you leave the problem attended for long enough, it self-corrects. Have faith in this magic of the land. Your wounded heart is but another object that would heal naturally over time."
"Hope. You speak of hope of renewal, but i see none. Shall I tip myself over a building, or point a gun at my head? Would that satisfy the world that wish to destroy me?"
"The world does not hope for your destruction. You are too little a part of their lifes to matter at all."
"Why do you shatter my hope of some importance in the lifes of others? At least when i am hated, it shows that i matter in the lifes of some."
"You think too highly of yourself. I cannot tolerate this pride."
"Who are you?"
"I am you, my dear. I am the other part of you who resides in you. I am the self-correcting mechanism of God of which i speak of. Wisdom, some has called me. The Christians call me the holy spirit. Do you now know who I am?"
"Are you with me all the time?"
"Yes, when you are awake. When you are sleeping. When you are upset. When you are complaining. When you cry. When you smile. When you pretend to be happy. I see all."
"Will you save me from my misery?"
"It depends if you want to listen to me or not."
"What if i do."
"Then i will show you the magic gift of self-correction. I will show you that God only intended for good things to happen. And that bad things are simply the facade of good things to come."
"I will listen to you. Tell me what to do now."
"Don't think so much. Leave it all to me."
"Ok"
while the subsequent blog entries seemed pretty self-obsessing and brimming with self-importance and neglect of the environment... I found this one to be quite interesting... Yes.. it is also, to some extent, brimming with self importance but the introduction of an additional voice.. the self-correcting holy spirit... seems to add a mature dimension to this blog entry...
On a higher level, what is most enticing as well as disturbing about this blog entry is the presence of two completely different characters capable of different levels of maturity within one single entity...
Is makes us ponder... is there really a holy spirit within all of us?
With all that said, looking at my old blog.. (I just unearthed it).. I must say that I am remarkbly embarassed by it... shy by the fact that I used to see the world revolve around myself... Could it be that maturity has finally hit me? Or maybe I have successfully convinced myself that I am nothing but a small pawn in God's big game...
Whatever it is... enjoy this blog entry.. It is intriguing and disturbing... like a macaroon.. or a mulit-layered cheese cake.. gets better as it progresses... The pride of the production of my youth...
____________________________________________
Blogs are bad
"Blogs are bad. They reveal too much of yourself to the world. They make you weak. "
"What is this obsession with weakness? Why must you be strong?"
"The world is filled with evil people. I must be strong to protect myself? No one will protect me."
"But you have friends. Don't they love you?"
"What is friendship? A mutual dependence? A quiet competition? How can I trust it? How do i know its real?"
"Why are you so afraid? Have you been hurt before?"
"In many ways."
"Your heart is filled with wounds then?"
"Not wounds. Scars. Yes, wounds. Some of them never really recovered. It's just a scab. when it is lifted, you will see the blood. It still hurts. People tend to enjoy flicking the scab. It will never recover."
"Your Heart is hungry."
"Yes it is. It hungers for true love. "
"You hunger for someone to love you?"
"Yes and no. I wish to be loved. But more than that, i wish to have someone to love. And not to love secretly but wildly and with all the passion of life."
"But so do all of them. They all hope to be loved. Why don't you show them love."
"No one has loved me greatly before. My faint image of love is all that i can give. How is it possible that one can give a love that she has not recieved before. I can only love you as much as the greatest love i have recieved."
"You sound sad. You pity youself."
"Yes, and self-pity is the greatest sin of all. It leads to thoughts of death. Of disrespecting the sanctity of life. I hate it but on days like today, when my heart is filled to its brim with sadness, it is only natural to indulge a little in it."
"I pity you. Let me share you a secret. When God made this world, he gave it a magical power to self-correct. That is to say, if you leave the problem attended for long enough, it self-corrects. Have faith in this magic of the land. Your wounded heart is but another object that would heal naturally over time."
"Hope. You speak of hope of renewal, but i see none. Shall I tip myself over a building, or point a gun at my head? Would that satisfy the world that wish to destroy me?"
"The world does not hope for your destruction. You are too little a part of their lifes to matter at all."
"Why do you shatter my hope of some importance in the lifes of others? At least when i am hated, it shows that i matter in the lifes of some."
"You think too highly of yourself. I cannot tolerate this pride."
"Who are you?"
"I am you, my dear. I am the other part of you who resides in you. I am the self-correcting mechanism of God of which i speak of. Wisdom, some has called me. The Christians call me the holy spirit. Do you now know who I am?"
"Are you with me all the time?"
"Yes, when you are awake. When you are sleeping. When you are upset. When you are complaining. When you cry. When you smile. When you pretend to be happy. I see all."
"Will you save me from my misery?"
"It depends if you want to listen to me or not."
"What if i do."
"Then i will show you the magic gift of self-correction. I will show you that God only intended for good things to happen. And that bad things are simply the facade of good things to come."
"I will listen to you. Tell me what to do now."
"Don't think so much. Leave it all to me."
"Ok"
Friday, July 4, 2008
Giant palm
Was lying on bed trying to fall asleep again... (Somehow I feel that I sleep to escape from reality).. An image popped into my head... an image of me rolling around a giant palm... I heard God telling me... "No matter how much you screw up, no matter how ugly you think you are, you will never escape my love for you. You are always in my hand. And don't be upset with the world. They are all little children in my eyes. Everyone is equally helpless. So don't count their sins against them, because I love them too. As much as I love you, and I know they can't possibly enjoy your wrath. You are built to love not to hate. You are built to perform best in my love not the love this world can provide. So stop looking for love in the wrong place, come to me."
Gwen still irritates me. And she really hurts me too. But as I think about how big Jesus is... and how forgiving he is... that even when he was totally destroyed and totally abused and injured on the cross.. he could not hate... I feel ashamed of myself... If you think that your own forgiveness.. your own love is not enough to forgive and to love some people.. then use the love of Jesus to love them.. use the forgiveness of Jesus to forgive them.. Remember... that if you depend on yourself.. you get humanly results.. but when you depend on the unending, overflowing power and grace of God.. you get Godly results...
Gwen still irritates me. And she really hurts me too. But as I think about how big Jesus is... and how forgiving he is... that even when he was totally destroyed and totally abused and injured on the cross.. he could not hate... I feel ashamed of myself... If you think that your own forgiveness.. your own love is not enough to forgive and to love some people.. then use the love of Jesus to love them.. use the forgiveness of Jesus to forgive them.. Remember... that if you depend on yourself.. you get humanly results.. but when you depend on the unending, overflowing power and grace of God.. you get Godly results...
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Innocence
You should use money and save people,
Instead of saving money and using people.
Heard this quote from my sister... she said pastor prince said this in one of his sermons... I find it quite amazing...
I have been pondering the meaning of innocence for a particularly long time and these are some definitions that I came up with:
Instead of saving money and using people.
Heard this quote from my sister... she said pastor prince said this in one of his sermons... I find it quite amazing...
I have been pondering the meaning of innocence for a particularly long time and these are some definitions that I came up with:
- Believing that everyone who is nice to you is your friend
- Believing that your friends will never abandon you
- Believing that in order to secure a BGR you must convince the other party that you love him and only him (this is absolute stupidity)
- Believing that as long as you do nothing wrong, no harm can come on to you
- Believing that you are alive, safe and sound because of your own doing.. and that God has no credit in it
- Believing that other people think like you
I have got to be extremely careful with this blog entry... It is dangerous.. There is always this fine line between knowing a truth and believing in it.. I can say all this but when it comes to real life.. I still choose to delude myself that other people are not just using me but are genuinely interested in a friendship.. I still choose to delude myself that loyalty is the best key to unlock a good relationship.. Perhaps.. I am trying to force innocence on myself? No.. I am just trying to give God's people a chance.. trying to give myself a chance to experience a real good relationship..
That apart.. I realise that I am not very young anymore.. and I do feel the weight of my countless failed friendships (best friend to enemy) on me... I am no longer so hopeful and so energetic when it comes to forging new relationships.. I feel tired.. At some point of time I hear myself thinking that what if I don't become good friends with so-and-so.. keep it clean.. perhaps we can last as friends abit longer... perhaps I can delay the INEVITABLE decay of our friendship..
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With all that said, I feel that God does not want me.. or any of us.. to carry the weight of the past.. of our past bad experiences on our shoulders... He wants us to wake up each morning with a fresh understanding of his overflowing grace and love... and by that to renew us of our hope each morning as well as to wash away all the stains of our previous failures...
May the grace of God reach all of you reading this entry today.. and everyday.. may you wake up every morning with a renewed confident expectation of good from God.. Have a good opinion of God.. know that he did not withold even his most precious son to save you... how much more would he give you anything else you need...