Lessons from Baba

When I was in secondary school I was introduced to christianity... Yes.. I went to PLMGSS.. A methodist secondary school... That's where i became a christian...

I remember asking God, on one particular occasion, for forgiveness for being so obsessed with my problems when there are so many bigger problems happening around the world.. earthquakes... floods.. droughts... global warming... African babies with Kwashiorkor (big bellies) ... I felt so childish and selfish for not caring about these bigger problems.. and focusing on my itty bitty problems...

Yes.. Today I got the same feeling... As I watch the charity programme to raise funds for the Se Chuan earthquake... I felt so bad for being unable to do my part in solving that big problem... and worse.. for not being aware of the scale of damage until today.. Man.. its makes me feel so ignorant and self centered.. living in my own comfort zone.. sleeping in an air con room on a queen size bed with a furry Loki at my feet.... worrying about whether I will get a boyfriend ever... I mean.. there are thousands of people out there who are DEAD.. the just died in an instance.. I mean.. they are just numbers.. and worse.. people who are still alive with no where to go.. I am sure they won't be worrying about bullshit problems like mine... they just want to stay alive.. you know.. find a place to stay..

Well.. I got to tell you.. I feel so damn lucky at this very moment.. Enlightment.. Happiness... I ALREADY HAVE IT. =) Yippie!!

Of course being an adult.. not just any adult but a genius adult.. other issues did pop up in my head.. I thought of why God would take away so many lifes in an instant.. Why did he permit such an atrocity to happen?I mean.. of all those who died.. I am sure there were christians too? What if I happen to be at sze chuan.. would i be dead by now? I mean.. surely there are miraculous tales of those christians who survived.. but what about the other thousands who died.. I am sure they prayed too.. So many questions...

But I guess these are questions God will answer me when I grow older... You will be surprised how God teaches you.. sometimes he speak through people.. Yap.. unlikely people..

Met this approximately 60 years old Indian man at macdonalds today.. was having a drink with my friend after training. He sat beside us and started mumbling to himself... I decided to start a conversation with him... He looked lonely.. I like talking to people like myself.. I asked him a few basic questions like if he stayed nearby.. what was his name.. and if he had dinner already.. strangely.. when I asked him that question.. his reply was NO.. then I asked him.. are you hungry?

Yes..
Do you want to eat?
Yes... but I got no money.
I can buy some food from Macs for you.. too lazy to walk too far. Is that ok?
Why are you so kind to me?
For no reason.
Why are you so proud thinking that you can help me?
I just don't want people to be hungry.

Then I proceeded to Macs to get him a double cheese burger.

After I came back with the burger, he just looked at the burger.. He refused to touch it.. I immediately fell into the conclusion that he thought that I was pitying him and it hurt his pride so much that he didn't want to eat though he's hungry.. Mind you... He's not some pitiful old man.. He's actually quite well spoken... it's just that he was a little tipsy... as I found out in the later part of our conversation.. self-declared alcoholic... Aha.. another similarity with me...

Well.. I got pissed.. I was angry that he didn't want to eat the cheeseburger and even said that I was stubborn.. so when he tried to speak to me again.. I ignored him... gave him a stone face... He asked why you sad?

I said this, " I am sad that there are so many bastards and bitches in this world that are so unappreciative.. you are nice to them and they treat you like shit."

Oh well, I must say.. I am quite a blunt person... So he started his long monologue on how boyfriends don't matter.. you can get a hundred thousand of them out there but your parents are the most important.. Only 2 in the world... and that you should never allow a man to touch you.. or you will be seriously devalued... a man who loves you will wait... Well, he assumed that I was pissed about some BGR problems... good guess.. after all I am a young woman...

So after that.. he asked if my friend and I had boyfriends? I said no..

Not one before?
Nope.

He asked her and found out that she had had relationships before.. Then he fell into another conclusion.. He looked at my friend and said:

That's because you are kind while your friend is stubborn and proud and tom boy..

At that moment I was realy tempted to grab the cheeseburger.. gourge it in front of him and walk of..

Then he started talking about himself.. His own problems.. He told us that when his son wanted to get married.. he gave him 40000 dollars out of CPF to pay for the wedding.. and now he stays with his son and his son only gives him 2/3 dollars a day to survive.. he doesn't even have enough money to buy alcohol of cigarettes.. and for 11 times he was picked up by the police man and told sent home... he was actually crying when he told us this story.. and I could really feel his pain..

I mean.. when you see a mumbling old indian man... who is mildly tipsy and asking you for a cigarette.. most people would brush him off as a demented old man.. who ever talks to such people? The thing is.. I felt like I really understood his pain.. I told him that I had a similar experience..

Really?
Not as bad as yours lah.. Yours is 20, 30 times worse man.
Your son so bad to you.
He not bad.. He's bad bad bad..
Yah.. You're right.. he's super duper bad..

Then I went on to ask him why he doesn't want to get a job.. maybe work at Macs.. at least he will get more money.. and won't be so dependent on his horrible son anymore.. Of course I was bearing in mind that his son probably doesn't want him to have enough money to drink and smoke.. so only gave him 3 dollars a day.. but what I was looking at was a man.. who was stripped of all his ego... all his pride... and treated like a child.. by the man that he raised from a baby... and gave all his CPF too.. I really had to give him some support... you know... at least prove to him that he's sane to believe that his son sucks... give him some support.. some form of love...

Then he told me that he doesn't have appitite to eat because he's very sad... and he was sobbing again.. I told him.. that He should eat and be strong.. eat that cheese burger and pick himself out.. that he was well-spoken and still quite young.. he can work and be useful.. at least working can take his mind of his ungrateful son.. Wah... at that moment.. I realised I totally misjudged him.. He didn't ignore the burger because he hated me.. he was just too upset to eat...

From talking to this old man.. I finally understand that my pain and loneliness is not unique.. So many people have it.... old people especially.. they have slogged their lives away.. providing for their children... giving their children the best they can afford.. and before they know it.. they are old.. if you think you have problems with self-image and self-esteem.. think about an old person.. he can't see well.. he can hear well.. he is not a agile and mobile as before.. his hair is all white.. he's got teeth missing... he doesn't know the latest internet and handphone gadget.. Imagine.. this is the truth.. we will all reach that stage some day... and all we can hope for is for our children.. the people we contribute so much to.. to feel appreciative... but sadly... so many kids are taking their parents as burdens.. you know.. they are like saying things like.. my dad is going senile.. he doesn't know what's good for him so I must control his spending by giving him 3 dollars a day.. I mean seriously.. why are you treating your dad like a primary school child.. 3 dollars.. your dad can't even eat a proper meal...

So i decided two things.. to be a self-sustaining aged (in the future) and to never give my CPF to my kids.. to round things up.. to never give more than I can afford to give.. If I give to the extend that I feel the pain and the need to be appreciated... then its too much.. I must always be able to give and forget the gift.. Or else.. I can very well end up like that 60 year old gentleman.. depressed and dying of 'lack of appreciation.....

And for now.. I decided one more thing.. to love my parents.. because if anyone deserves it.. its them.. and if they ever get to live with me in their golden years.. I will treat them with respect.. as discerning adults.. and give them the freedom to do what they want... definitely not give them just 3 bucks and ask them to make it by on their own... its just inhumane.. but its so common... you see it everywhere.. children refusing to acknowledge and support their parents because of some minor misunderstanding in the past.. things like...

"My mum used to beat me up like shit when I was young."
"My dad made me work in the coffee shop and caused me to have less time to study.. that's why I am such a failure today."

I mean afterall.. we are all human.. even our parents make mistakes.. Why punish them by treating them like shit in the last few years of their lives?

Of course.. for me.. I will never expect my kids to look after me when I am old.. I will rather check myself into a nursing home than to become a burden to them.. I must be completely self-sustaining... even at an old age when i look terrible and can hardly see or walk.. I want to be a blessing to people around me.. not a burden...

Well... maybe I am thinking too much.. but today.. I really really really learnt alot... Got to thank that old fellow.. his name is Baba.