Some New Insights

Some New Insights

• It's ok to lose when you know you've already tried your best.
• You must train hard so that kicking will become like walking to you - Comes effortlessly, as and when you like.
• Taekwondo is not only about kicking well. It's also alot about perseverence, discipline and commitment.
• TKD is like a tree... the kicking part are the visible parts of the tree (trunk, branches and leaves) ... but you do not see matters so much more... the morals, determation, respect, discipline and humility (most important) are the roots of the tkd tree... A tree can survive even if you chop of the trunk... As long as the roots are intact, it will not die. It will grow back to its former glory. Similarly, as long as God is with you, you wil not be defeated...
• When you train hard, you are not trying to earn respect from others... you are earning respect from yourself.
• Guts come, when you are completely confident that you have done all you could do (before stepping into the arena) and know that the rest is up to God.
• The only thing we should be proud about is God's grace... His unfair, unearned, undeserved favour...

Please be still and allow God to work

It's Christmas today... No training =) Going to treat myself to a movie at downtown... then go for some grocery shopping... proceed back home to sort of my KL things.. Gotta fold some clothes.. arrange some things... Will be quite a peaceful and fulfilling day...

Maybe its been too long since I have been to church... Feeling kind of strained by the world... Long ago I have lost hope in all mankind... But I have always enjoyed the faith God has in the world and in me...

Even if things look like shit... please be still and allow God to work... The beautiful thing about God is that his strength is perfected in your weakness.... and he has the miraculous ability to transform evil situations into amazing brilliant ones...

So have a Merry Merry Christmas!! =) God's grace.. God's grace!!!

3 Amazing people

I have seen some very amazing people do very amazing things... and nope.. its not my Sir doing a jumping reverse kick... nope.. its not Jet Lee doing some stunts on television... These are things even greater...

The old lady on the bus
I was on this SBS bus.. a couple of months back.. It was quite a crowded bus and this old lady (around 70 years old) was standing with an umbrella in front of me... The bus suddenly came to a jerky stop... everyone standing including me (taekwondo exponent training 5 days a week) stumbled... and I actually stumbled on that old lady... and she was the only person the bus who did not stumble at all.. she stood steady as a rock...

The old man with the cans
Was waiting for bus 86 after sportsteam training one day... just about 1 month back... I saw this old man... with a bag of collected used aluminium drinking cans... He was about 60 years old.. and had really skinny limbs.... He took out the cans.. and systematically and neatly arranged the cans in a straight row... then taking a hammer from his bicycle (which had a plastic basket mounted behind it)... he hammered the cans one by one.. in sequence and reloaded them into his trash bag.. which he neatly placed back into the bicycle basket... Next.. he had to mount his bike.. but there was no proper mounting platform nearby.. So... he hopped a little then in a split of a second displayed remarkable agility by mounting his bike in one swift movement... then he cycled off...

The old lady with the heavy bags
This is the most amazing of all the stories... I just gave tuiton at Hougang.. It was around 10 plus 11 PM... I was walking to the bus stop when I saw this old lady... carrying two huge (bue red white PVC bags) of things... the bags look so so so heavy... The old lady was very very very old (70 plus 80).. and hunched back.. but she was carrying this very heavy bags.. waiting to cross the road... Of course I went to offer her help.. but she said.. its ok... that she can make it on her own.. then she very steadily walked across the road ON HER OWN... My goodness... my eyes almost popped out...

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The purpose of me telling you these three stories is not to show you how terrible Singaporean kids are to abandon their aged parents... It is to show you what life teaches people.. and how old people have grasp that lesson so well that

1. They are very independent.. None of the three people asked or wanted help... They planned each and every movement perfectly so that they could to it entirely on their own.
2. They don't expect pity. They don't expect anyone to love them.
3. They don't pity themselves.
4. They do amazing things.. Because they want to and know what they must do to survive...

Sorts of reminds you of the old lady in Madagascar beating up the lions eh? Hahaha... thing is... I am totally amazed as well as heart broken...

It is alright to see old ladies looking vulnerable and walking around with a walking stick... requring assistance to do board buses.. to get around... to visit doctors.. but when I see old folks having this drive to survive... it just pains me because somehow I relate to it...

At some point of time.. you begin to learn some lessons you never ever have to... To know that however pathetic you feel.. you have to ignore all that pain and survive... and self-pity doesn't help.. Because society is so uncompassionate.. you have to depend only on yourself... It is the same kind of terribly drive that I have in me now.. the drive that will keep me going even if i have blood oozing out of my legs.. and I am dying of depression... To just keep it all in.. and behind a smiling cover.. to survive... It is the kind of drive that you develop when you completely lose hope in mankind... when you realise that no knight in shiny armour is ever going to come to rescue you ... so you better start rescuing yourself...

Fortunately for me... I have God... That totally offsets everything... But what about these old people? I am sure they go home (probably some old stuffy one room flat.. believe me.. you must see their living conditions to believe it) And feel so so so sad.. so so so sad that their children have abandoned them.. that God has abandoned them... that they have no choice but to try to stay alive because they are just simply too scared of dying and dissapearing into thin space.. (because they don't believe in God.. they do not know heaven)...

Quite heart wrenching eh? So.. if you ever have an opportunity to see one of these amazing people.. selling tissue.. or collecting cans.. please be kind to them... Serious.. sometimes.. all they need is a pat on the shoulders and a smile.. and if you give them perhaps.. a 10 dollar bill and collect only 3 tissues (shows them that you care.. do it if you have spare cash k..) It's really worth it.. Imagine.. you will easily splurge the 10 dollars on a movie.. this is so much more worth it...

2 Case Studies

Picture this two case scenarios...

Case A
An abused child... beaten by his father every night... His body is covered with bruises... Everytime he touches his wound or his friends make fun of his bruises.. he finds a quiet corner to cry.. His bruises are his shame... and signs that he is unloved... or even hated by his father.

Case B
A taekwondo National player... Goes for training every night.. Sustains the exact same bruises as the person in Case A... But everytime he touches his wound or his friends make fun of his bruises.. he feels so proud of himself... His bruises are signs that he's been training hard... A sign that he has talent to be selected into the squad.. A sign that Singapore Sports Council and national team appreciates him.

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In both cases, we look at the same child... with the exact same bruises.. but the manner in which the abuse was infliced totally altered the outcome....

Imagine yourself as God's child... God will never put you in a situation like Case A. Any kind of pain or abuse you are feeling now is inflicted because its necessary to mold you into a better version of yourself... You are the child in Case B.. Always remember that... and know that you should never carry the Case A mentality around...

Therefore, may whatever pain you are going through now empower you and bring you pride and happiness... don't let it weigh you down and cause you depression... Always carry the Case B mentality around =)

Everything is part of God's plan

Sometimes when I feel very depressed and belittled... Especially when I reflect back on things that have happened to me.. the bad things.. I tend to swing from absolute elation (my predominant state) to terrible depression.. But to prevent me from becoming bipolar... It is actually a mental disorder... I have come up with an excellent solution - think of the story of Joseph...

I am sure Joseph must have felt terribly depressed and belittled when he was sold as a slave by his brothers to the Egyptians.. I am sure he must have wondered to himself, "what's the matter with me? Why did my brothers treat me so badly?" This is a process known as self-attribution.. taking all the responsbility on himself... Of course he might swing to the other extreme and attribute the entire blame to his brothers saying that they are complete assholes betraying and abusing an innocent man (him)... but that would not be ideal as well.. at least it would not facilitate the mending of his relationship with his brothers... years to come...

Thing is.. instead of attributing the events that occur to yourself and the other party.. the best solution yet is to attribute all to God's divine plan.. It's nobody's fault.. what happened, happened exactly it was intended to and could not have happened in any other way (taken from Matrix reloaded).

Truth is.. if Joseph's brothers did not abuse and betray him... and Portiphah's wife did not accuse Joseph of sexually harassing her... he would never have landed himself in prison which eventually landed him a job as the PM of Egypt... This entire turn of events were not shaped by men.. but by God.. to empower Joseph to save the people from the famine that is to come.. To allow Joseph to save his own family when help is required..

And the thing is.. God had it all planned out from the beginning.. when he sent dreams to young Joseph about his brothers and even parents bowing down to him... all was planned... and the intrinsic value of Joseph never depreciated at all through out all the abuse and betrayal Joseph went through... the only reason why Joseph could have tolerated all that and perservered on.. was simply because Joseph knew and believed with all his heart that God had a plan... a good plan to glorify and empower him to do great good.. and even if this plan had to bring him to places he didn't want to go... to subject him to abuse he didn't want to endure... he was humble enough to just LET GO and LET GOD take control...

He never resorted to unscrupulous means such as sleeping with his boss's wife just to keep his job in the estate.. Instead, he kept himself pure and faithful throughout it all... and thank goodness he did so.. because the prison was a necessary stop before the very final post as the PM of Egypt..

So as it is... it appears that God's plan is simply unfathomable.. It is folly to try to intervene.. and compare our self effort and politicking to the mastery of God's plan... Instead.. just lay back and let God lead you...

My solution to bipolarity is thus.. to think of Joseph.. He's been through more shit than I have.. and everytime he was betrayed.. (which was many).. he could have chosen to just succumb to what the world say he is (A Braggard of a brother... a Molester... An unfaithful servant.. ) .. he could have felt miserable and chosen to end his life... to drown in his sorrows.. but yet.. time and time again.. he held on to his true identity (what God said he was... A beloved son of God)... and thus... he kept in line with God's plan for him.. to prosper him...

So whenever I am tempted to sink to a new low and imagine that I am an unworthy.. disgusting scumbag.. unworthy of love.. unworthy of respect.. unworthy of dignity and human rights... I just have to fix my eyes on Joseph.. and God.. I got to realise that Joseph had it worse.. but he never gave up.. He always held on to his good opinion of God.. he fervently and completely believed that God had a plan to prosper and glorify him.. and he never gave up on life...

With that said, always have a positive opininon of God.. He will never ever make you go through shit just to discipline you... or to display his might and make you succumb to him... there is always a good reason for it... Our God is not a mean mighty fellow who desires praise and worship just to fill his ego.... He's a good God who wants praise and worship to come out of a truly grateful heart... Similarly... he is kind and merticulous in planning your life.. so trust me.. he will not make you go through some unnecessary pain... everything that is happening to you now... is all part of God's plan.. however small you think that event or person is.. there is a purpose for him/her in your life... and nothing is unnecessary =)

The Grey World (Dicotomy)

Just about 2 years ago.. I enjoyed thinking of the world as black and white.. and everything in my world was simplified into a black and white dichotomy.. you are either my friend or my enemy.. you are either good or bad... right or wrong... there are no in betweens...

It is very easy to live in a black and white world... You just stick to the people you think are white.. and avoid those bad people... It is simple.. and happiness is easy...

I was happily living in my black and white world.. feeling pure and good and easily victimised by all those bad bad people... I was happily living in this sheltered frame of mind until I realised that even my 'white' people had flaws.. and not small ones.. but big flaws... I was shocked... that didn't seem to fit very well into my definition of 'white' people.. but I had to hang on because everyone else seemed like a potential bad person...

Until one day... the 'white' people finally did the unthinkable.. they expelled me... they recategorised me in their minds... and shifted me into their 'black' people category... In their world of dicotomies.. there is no middle ground.. just like me... they thought of the world as either good or bad...

Then I realised... all at once... that it wasn't the fact that we were all 'white' people that bonded us together.. it was our childishness and refusal to grow up that bonded us.. our childish insistence of dicotomising this world and seeing everyone as bad and we as good.. that bonded us together...

The only thing that made it possible for us to remain so childish was:

1) For me.. I was really young and childish
2) For them... they are very capable and distinguished people... such people are top people in society and society tolerates their flaws... because they want to be favoured by such people... thus.. these people were never pressured to grow up...

As it turns out.. I realise that the world is just big mass of grey... sure.. there are people who are 'better' than others.. but no one is perfect.. we all have our flaws.. of course some people are less capable at hiding their flaws than others.. and they are often labelled the 'bad' people.. but in my opinion.. at least they are the honest ones.. they parade their flaws as well as their strengths... so you never have to look to hard to understand these people... these are the people I would love to befriend...

It is difficult to live now.. now that I know that the world is not black and white... I can no longer sit on a throne and judge the rest of the world thinking that I am the white and pure one... Instead.. I must now live with the fact that I myself am a sinner.. and just like everyone else is capable of doing many bad things unknowingly.. Thus.. when someone sins against me nowadays... I can no longer cry and complain and feel so dignified and bullied... Instead, I am compelled to forgive.. knowing that I could have committed that offense against someone else myself...

It is harder to live in a world of grey.. but no one said life was easy.. However, it is wisdom that brings us to understand this concept of grey.... and it is God's grace that offers the solution for this difficult life... Instead of struggling with forgiveness... You can easily commit it to Jesus in prayer.. and trust that he will settle it...

Instead of taking punishment and discipline in our own hands.. our awareness of our own flaws will compel us to commit the matter to God.. and even in the event when we have to punish others.. (say you are a teacher or a boss) .. you will do so with compassion and respect.. not with over severe harshness.. because you would have understood that you, who are filled with flaws, are actually not in the right position to judge and punish... Therefore, when you are compelled by duty to mett out punishment... you won't dehumanise your surbodinate and seek to destroy and eradicate her.. instead you will punish her with the intention to educate and make her a better person...

With that said... I finally understand why people used to hate me... No one wants to be victimised.. Similarly.. no one wants to feel like the perpetrator.. however.. when there is sick bastard acting vulnerable and feeling victimised all the time... it will only make people feel more and more guilty and thus more and more estranged from God... It is thus important to eradicate this easily victimised vulnerability from your system if you intend to be a blessing to those around you.. Do not always think of yourself.. but always spare a thought for others...

I am glad that I finally see the world in its grey concept.. it is the first step to understanding God's grace.. and why all of us need God in our lives.. =)

Muscle memory (puppet)

I would like to think of my body as a tool for God to work his great works... My only job is to train hard and to store up all the muscle memory so that God can use my body as a puppet to fight and win.... My job is just to train now.. while I still can train....

Once the competition date nearing (like right about now)... and I step onto the coach this coming sunday... It's all up to God... Nothing left for me to do... Just rest and relax and let God take control of everything. =)

Therefore, when I step into the arena next friday.. I will not be scared.. Might be nervous and a little jittery.. but I know that God will be with me.. and I can expect Godly results...

Sometimes... You need to train hard.. Sometimes.. You need to rest... It's ok to feel helpless... Just know that God is always on your side.. He will make use of your body to glorify you...

God's grace... God's laws condemns the best of us.. while God's grace saves the worse of us... not only does he save us.. he glorifies us.. =) Thanks God!!!

Some Random thoughts

I feel quite bad not having enough time for my friends.. I would really love to spend more time with all of you.. It is just that i have training.. and training makes me very tired... I tend to sleep alot during the day... to recover from my injuries.. yup... so... It's hard to go out you know.. even shopping requires stamina and energy.. but I am so tired from training I can hardly even shop as long as before... hehe.. sounds so serious...

The ideal social event for me now is sitting at a cafe and talking or watching a movie.. something that involves sitting still for hours.. Makes me feel more relaxed and rested.. =)

Nonetheless.. I still really really really wanna go swimming with Stella soon... It will be fun.. Might be very tired at training after playing too hard that day... but it's alright... If the koreans can train three times a day... so can I... Just need to insert one hour of nap time in between the trainings... and it should be ok...

Training at NTC is very intense... Used to have trainings there only once a week and I found it quite tiring already... Imagine training everyday there.. (except for saturdays)... might be quite draining... Anyways... It's really an honour... As Stella puts it.. how many people actually have daughters who can fight international competition? It's really a privilege...

Thus... we must always bear in mind that training with the national team is also a privilege.. Train hard and press on man... When I am too tired.. I always have God's grace to fall back on...

Just relax and go with the flow... Let God lead me... When I am feeling super sianz.. and less enthusiastic.. I just have to trust God and still continue going for training.. take it one step at a time... if I am really too tired or feeling sick... then just tell Mam lor... As long as I am present.. I have a chance to train to my max for that day...

Really hope I can go to Hongkong... Will be a great opportunity... Thanks God=)