Is it always right to stand up for your rights? Let me illustrate this point with a story (from some korean drama)
The main protagonist of the story was a police officer.
One day, he recieved a call from a minimart owner reporting a shop lifting case. He went down to the minimart to manage the situation. When he got there, he witnessed a moral dilemma.
The lady who was caught shop lifting actually attempted to steal 3 tins of powdered milk. When the officer arrived, the shop lifter lady was begging the shop owner to let it go... she was in tears and looking very pathetic... she begged the shop owner to just let her go back to her starving baby.. she was too poor to afford milk to feed her baby...
Yet, the shop owner's reply (as you grabbed the emaciated wrist of the other lady) was as such, "You are not the only poor mother in Korea, if every one of you poor mothers come to MY shop to steal MY milk, how am I going to afford it? Think about me. I need to make a living too."
The inspector was caught in a moral dilemma... But he was kind and wise. He paid the shop owner for the milk and on top of that added a few other food items... The shop owner was satisfied and decided to drop the matter... And the poor crying mother? She was not only grateful that she didn't get caught... she was so happy that she had food to feed her baby....
Moral of the story?
The shop owner wasn't wrong at all... She was asserting her right to a crime free society.. when the lady stole milk from her... she violated the shopower's rights... And in a way, disrespected the shop owner.. the shop owner had every right to convict her...
Yes, from a by stander's point of view... the shop owner might seem like some heartless freak incapable of any bit of charity... but think about it... what she said was right too.. if she let this woman have her way.. what if the word spreads around? Her shop might turn into some non-profit charity give away instead of a commercial shop... It's true...
So what she did was not entirely wrong... It was not wrong.. but it was not princely behavior.. Prince and princesses of God give out of excess... they are always keenly aware of God's love on them... They are always quick to give and slow to anger... Because they know that whatever they give, God will replace them... and most of the time.. more than they give... So, they won't hesistate... They are generous givers... and in the process.. they themselves are refreshed..
The Shopowner's reaction was not princely behavior... It came out of a keen awareness of lack... It is not difficult to spot people like the shopowner.. They are always on their toes.. keenly aware and afraid of others taking advantage of them.. All these behavior come out of a keen awareness of lack.. they feel they already have not enough... And it will be folly to give out this 'not-enough' to others... They have their own family to feed... It's not only about themselves...
Therefore, to fix this kind of awareness of lack... and constant fear of victimisation, we should meditate on the following story from the bible...
"Look at the birds, they neither sow nor reap.. but they are fed each day by our heavenly father... How much more will our heavenly father feed us.. he who loved us so much that he sent his beloved son to die for us..." Trust in the LORD to feed you and your family... and he does so freshly each day... Just like the birds, you will always be provided for... be keenly aware of God's love and tenderness for you...
This way, you will be a generous giver.. and when the time comes when you can either forgive an offense or persecute it.. I hope you forgive it... for A man's wisdom gives him patience;it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11)... It shows how big-hearted you are.. and how much you are aware of God's love for you...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
CNY
Just got back from the Chun Dao He Pan (near esplanade).. It was amazing...
Not only was it not crowded.. There was this gentle breeze that made the lantern viewing so pleasant... I felt like a tourist... The food street was good too.. Had peppermint chin chow and korean BBQ cuttlefish.. Yummy...
This Chinese New Year is really the best one ever... Serious... I enjoyed the reunion dinner, the sparklers (with my sister and cousin), visiting Stella's place (playing with Ah Pong's rabbit Odee) and the huge lanterns by the bay.. So beautiful... Just in two days I achieved so much... did so many things I haven't done before... awesome...
Most importantly, my relatives were nice to me... none of them asked me sensitive questions like when I'm getting a boyfriend... They were more interested in my job prospects... and when I told them I wanted to be a PE teacher.. they actually encouraged it... Feel so at peace now...
Really a God given CNY celebration.. Thanks God!!!
Not only was it not crowded.. There was this gentle breeze that made the lantern viewing so pleasant... I felt like a tourist... The food street was good too.. Had peppermint chin chow and korean BBQ cuttlefish.. Yummy...
This Chinese New Year is really the best one ever... Serious... I enjoyed the reunion dinner, the sparklers (with my sister and cousin), visiting Stella's place (playing with Ah Pong's rabbit Odee) and the huge lanterns by the bay.. So beautiful... Just in two days I achieved so much... did so many things I haven't done before... awesome...
Most importantly, my relatives were nice to me... none of them asked me sensitive questions like when I'm getting a boyfriend... They were more interested in my job prospects... and when I told them I wanted to be a PE teacher.. they actually encouraged it... Feel so at peace now...
Really a God given CNY celebration.. Thanks God!!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Exerpt - Psalms 144 and 145
Part of Psalm 144
Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.
Part of Psalm 145
The LORD is gracious and
compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has
made.
Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.
Part of Psalm 145
The LORD is gracious and
compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has
made.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Dehumanisation
Had a blood test today.. It was so painful... I think the nurse was inexperienced... The entire process was so painful that I felt pain with every single drop of blood leaving me.. I am usually quite amazed by how painless the procedure is... In contrast to having to fall on the floor and bleeding through a wound.. Normally, it would be so much more painful if that much blood is lost... Today, I really felt every single 'pain' that was required to extract that amount of blood.. as if it was through a wound.. It is excruciating.. Actually intended to catch a movie after the blood test... but it left me feeling so weak, I had to head home instead....
You must really wonder, how much determination Jesus must have had to tolerate that much pain for us... Imagine... all his skin was ripped off by the whips... he was marred beyond recognition... And in that state, he had to still carry the heavy wooden cross up the hill.. Imagine... I find that blood test painful... And sometimes I find sparring painful... But Jesus had it so much worse... and the thing is... he never had to bear with it... it's not his punishment... He was without sin.. He went through all that torture... because he loved us... He was dehumanised... the Son of God... who is greater than all man on earth... was DEHUMANISED... imagine that..
Have you ever wondered how humans in general.. can look at the same object and have so many different points of view or rather, judgement of that object? Imagine the following 'object'... Life... Human life...
At the hospital you see it... so many people struggling to stay alive... struggling to help give birth to healthy babies.. When a baby is borned stillborn... you see parent traumatised and crying... Just a few steps away... you see another couple booking an appointment for an abortion... Yet, an even greater contrast comes when people deal with criminals.. Somehow, society teaches us to dehumanise people who do bad things... Major bad things... It's like once you do something wrong, you become a monster (someone like the orcs in Lord Of The Rings), killing them is ok, they are JUST orcs...
Yes... Society teaches us that... And when you try to question society as to why these people who were once respected as 'one of us' is treated so poorly, society replies "If you don't do something about this problem, other people might get hurt." They forget that the person they are attacking is actually also a human.. and by punishing and dehumanising him/her, they are in fact trying to let one man carry all the pain and punishment that would have otherwise been inflicted on other 'innocent' people.. In the end, we did not at all reduce the total amount of human suffering... we transferred it to that one man (the criminal)... and we are so proud of ourselves for doing that...
The ideal state is of course, being able to remove that 'predicted suffering' by counselling the 'criminal' and teaching people around him how to live with him.. This way, its a win-win situation... everyone is respected... and we humans.. who are in-built sin machine (sin=falling short of the mark (perfection))... will become more secure, because we know that even if we should sin greatly one day.. society will be more tolerant of us... that will not in fact, make us want to sin more... it does the opposite... it makes us into more tolerant and forgiving people... More relaxed.. less serious... because we are no longer so desperate in trying to prove that we are the in-people.. the people deserving of human rights.. we are not like the 'criminals'.
Changing the world does not have to occur in one dramatic blow... You don't have to do big things and be in HIGH positions to change the world... In fact, it is the small people doing small things.. that ultimately make a lasting impact... Don't underestimate small things...
God's grace will empower you to do the amazing. =)
You must really wonder, how much determination Jesus must have had to tolerate that much pain for us... Imagine... all his skin was ripped off by the whips... he was marred beyond recognition... And in that state, he had to still carry the heavy wooden cross up the hill.. Imagine... I find that blood test painful... And sometimes I find sparring painful... But Jesus had it so much worse... and the thing is... he never had to bear with it... it's not his punishment... He was without sin.. He went through all that torture... because he loved us... He was dehumanised... the Son of God... who is greater than all man on earth... was DEHUMANISED... imagine that..
Have you ever wondered how humans in general.. can look at the same object and have so many different points of view or rather, judgement of that object? Imagine the following 'object'... Life... Human life...
At the hospital you see it... so many people struggling to stay alive... struggling to help give birth to healthy babies.. When a baby is borned stillborn... you see parent traumatised and crying... Just a few steps away... you see another couple booking an appointment for an abortion... Yet, an even greater contrast comes when people deal with criminals.. Somehow, society teaches us to dehumanise people who do bad things... Major bad things... It's like once you do something wrong, you become a monster (someone like the orcs in Lord Of The Rings), killing them is ok, they are JUST orcs...
Yes... Society teaches us that... And when you try to question society as to why these people who were once respected as 'one of us' is treated so poorly, society replies "If you don't do something about this problem, other people might get hurt." They forget that the person they are attacking is actually also a human.. and by punishing and dehumanising him/her, they are in fact trying to let one man carry all the pain and punishment that would have otherwise been inflicted on other 'innocent' people.. In the end, we did not at all reduce the total amount of human suffering... we transferred it to that one man (the criminal)... and we are so proud of ourselves for doing that...
The ideal state is of course, being able to remove that 'predicted suffering' by counselling the 'criminal' and teaching people around him how to live with him.. This way, its a win-win situation... everyone is respected... and we humans.. who are in-built sin machine (sin=falling short of the mark (perfection))... will become more secure, because we know that even if we should sin greatly one day.. society will be more tolerant of us... that will not in fact, make us want to sin more... it does the opposite... it makes us into more tolerant and forgiving people... More relaxed.. less serious... because we are no longer so desperate in trying to prove that we are the in-people.. the people deserving of human rights.. we are not like the 'criminals'.
Changing the world does not have to occur in one dramatic blow... You don't have to do big things and be in HIGH positions to change the world... In fact, it is the small people doing small things.. that ultimately make a lasting impact... Don't underestimate small things...
God's grace will empower you to do the amazing. =)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Meaningless
True wisdom is when you realise that everything on earth is meaningless... well, not everything.. but everything that you can see and touch... all meaningless... It is the things that you cannot see and touch that matters the most... Love, God...
Wrote a long blog entry on what I think taekwondo is... on how taekwondo should be like.. then I realised that that blog entry is totally outdated... yes... it is thousands of years outdated... I wrote that entry as if the world has not fallen.. as if man can truly attain perfect wisdom and perfect 'do'... This is impossible in a fallen world... And yet... in the presence of so much imperfection, God still allow shadows of greatness to exist... But they are only shadows... As hard as we try.. none of us will be perfectly humble.. none of us will have perfect fighting spirit... None of us will be perfectly moral. In the face of adversity.. most of us will fall...
So I am not here to tell you what to do... I guess we all already know what we have to be... We have to be hardworking, humble, kind-hearted, determined, disciplined, pure-hearted and God fearing... But how many of us can be all of the above 100% of the time... None... We all fail..
So perhaps these expections and laws and rules were all set as bench marks... as ideal states... but no one was meant to completely attain them... Instead, we are humbled by these bench marks and forced to turn to the only perfect man (Jesus) to get our justification and righteousness..
Pride comes when we feel that we have attained the ideal states... this occurs either when we have attained some amount of success in life (we are talented, rich, capable and married to the perfect husband/wife)... or when we determine that we have contributed so much to our society (or company)... that we deserve some kind of recognition and respect...
Pride is such a dangerous thing... It creeps up to you unsuspectingly... and you might even like its presence.. you do not know it.. but once you begin to think thoughts like "Why is this girl so unkempt and rude, I will never be like that... I hate such people."... You are guilty of pride... Simple as that... Self righteousness is the most common form of pride...
With that said, I am the first one to raise my hand when it comes to sins of pride... Sometimes, I am so proud I am disgusted by myself... Either way, I don't feel condemned by this pride any more than I feel condemned by the fact that I am human... Pride and all other sins come with the fact that we are human... I try my best to keep myself in check.. but like Apostle Paul... I keep finding myself doing things that I do not want to do... and not doing things that I should do... But all praise to God.. for God works in amazing ways... His strength is perfected in our weakness..
Read an interesting quote off this book in my Mum's bedroom... About Crack pots... Imagine a pot that is thrown on the floor... it is cracked.. Now imagine if you put a light into the pot and cover the pot with a lid... You notice that the light is only able to shine out of that crack... Yes... as you have predicted... the moral of the story is... God's light can only be seen through the cracks of our lifes... that his strength is need perfected through our weakness.. As such, weakness itself is no longer and embarassing thing... failures and mishaps are not embarassing events.. Instead, they are necessary events to break us and mould as into perfect vessels of God's grace and light...
Wrote a long blog entry on what I think taekwondo is... on how taekwondo should be like.. then I realised that that blog entry is totally outdated... yes... it is thousands of years outdated... I wrote that entry as if the world has not fallen.. as if man can truly attain perfect wisdom and perfect 'do'... This is impossible in a fallen world... And yet... in the presence of so much imperfection, God still allow shadows of greatness to exist... But they are only shadows... As hard as we try.. none of us will be perfectly humble.. none of us will have perfect fighting spirit... None of us will be perfectly moral. In the face of adversity.. most of us will fall...
So I am not here to tell you what to do... I guess we all already know what we have to be... We have to be hardworking, humble, kind-hearted, determined, disciplined, pure-hearted and God fearing... But how many of us can be all of the above 100% of the time... None... We all fail..
So perhaps these expections and laws and rules were all set as bench marks... as ideal states... but no one was meant to completely attain them... Instead, we are humbled by these bench marks and forced to turn to the only perfect man (Jesus) to get our justification and righteousness..
Pride comes when we feel that we have attained the ideal states... this occurs either when we have attained some amount of success in life (we are talented, rich, capable and married to the perfect husband/wife)... or when we determine that we have contributed so much to our society (or company)... that we deserve some kind of recognition and respect...
Pride is such a dangerous thing... It creeps up to you unsuspectingly... and you might even like its presence.. you do not know it.. but once you begin to think thoughts like "Why is this girl so unkempt and rude, I will never be like that... I hate such people."... You are guilty of pride... Simple as that... Self righteousness is the most common form of pride...
With that said, I am the first one to raise my hand when it comes to sins of pride... Sometimes, I am so proud I am disgusted by myself... Either way, I don't feel condemned by this pride any more than I feel condemned by the fact that I am human... Pride and all other sins come with the fact that we are human... I try my best to keep myself in check.. but like Apostle Paul... I keep finding myself doing things that I do not want to do... and not doing things that I should do... But all praise to God.. for God works in amazing ways... His strength is perfected in our weakness..
Read an interesting quote off this book in my Mum's bedroom... About Crack pots... Imagine a pot that is thrown on the floor... it is cracked.. Now imagine if you put a light into the pot and cover the pot with a lid... You notice that the light is only able to shine out of that crack... Yes... as you have predicted... the moral of the story is... God's light can only be seen through the cracks of our lifes... that his strength is need perfected through our weakness.. As such, weakness itself is no longer and embarassing thing... failures and mishaps are not embarassing events.. Instead, they are necessary events to break us and mould as into perfect vessels of God's grace and light...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Proverbs
A man's wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11)
A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
How then can anyone understand his own way? (Proverbs 20:24)
Do not speak to a fool,
for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. (Proverbs 23:9)
It is not good to eat too much honey,
nor is it honorable to seek one's own honour. (Proverbs 25:27)
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips. (Proverbs 27:2)
He who is full loathes honey,
but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet. (Proverbs 27:7)
As iron sharpen's iron,
so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)
He who trusts in himself is a fool,
but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. (Proverbs 28:26)
Do you see a man who speaks in haste?
There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 29:20)
Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor
than he who has a flattering tongue. (Proverbs 28:23)
A rich man may be wise in his own eyes,
but a poor man who has discernment sees through him. (Proverbs 28:11)
it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11)
A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
How then can anyone understand his own way? (Proverbs 20:24)
Do not speak to a fool,
for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. (Proverbs 23:9)
It is not good to eat too much honey,
nor is it honorable to seek one's own honour. (Proverbs 25:27)
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips. (Proverbs 27:2)
He who is full loathes honey,
but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet. (Proverbs 27:7)
As iron sharpen's iron,
so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)
He who trusts in himself is a fool,
but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. (Proverbs 28:26)
Do you see a man who speaks in haste?
There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 29:20)
Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor
than he who has a flattering tongue. (Proverbs 28:23)
A rich man may be wise in his own eyes,
but a poor man who has discernment sees through him. (Proverbs 28:11)
Had New Poomsae workshop today =) Was the receptionist... Didn't really do a very good job though... Kept giving away the booklets wrongly.. Nevermind... Will have more opportunities next time...
Have training tomorrow.. Most probably sparring... Excited... Bad thing is that I sprained my left foot at sportsteam training just now... Hopefully can spar properly tommorrow...
One of the small boys at sportsteam said that he missed me... I actually felt touched.. For the past two years, I have been moving from place to place and no one has really missed me... It's like moving around with no attachment to anything...
Anyways, I've finally found a nice place I can root in... =) Happy to be training at the squad...
Have training tomorrow.. Most probably sparring... Excited... Bad thing is that I sprained my left foot at sportsteam training just now... Hopefully can spar properly tommorrow...
One of the small boys at sportsteam said that he missed me... I actually felt touched.. For the past two years, I have been moving from place to place and no one has really missed me... It's like moving around with no attachment to anything...
Anyways, I've finally found a nice place I can root in... =) Happy to be training at the squad...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Stars were dreamers once
It just occured to me about 2 minutes ago that all great stars and celebrities started off as dreamers... ALL of them.. not just some but ALL...
They all started off as people who admired others who took the stage... and instead of thinking
"Those stars are awesome... But I am just a normal person, I will never be like them."
They thought,
"Those stars are awesome.. I wanna be like them one day... And I know I can do it."
It all started off with this positive thought... It might be a form of 'wishful thinking' parents and friends are all too quick to dismiss... but this 'wishful thinking' was ABSOLUTELY necessary to fuel the passion needed to complete the path towards fulfilling a dream...
Truth be told. Just about a year ago, I had never even allowed myself to concieve a thought that I would ever be able to be part of the national training team... It was too lavish and too extravagant a dream for me... International tournament? Too good for someone like me... Forget it...
Lucky for me, there was something inside me that really really really loved taekwondo... And when it was put to the test... whether I should quit TKD.. or to persevere on.. that passion in me gave me an immediate answer... Giving up is not an option.. So I hung on... And now... I am living the dream that I have always thought was too lavish to dream... I actually felt embarassed even concieving that thought... I feel shy thinking that I would ever be good enough to represent Singapore...
This is why... Now that I am given a chance to live my dream... I really look forward to every training... Not really because I am looking forward to the ultimate tournament... But because I know that it really is a priviledge to train in the squad... and that there are so many taekwondo students out there who would dream of such an opportunity...
I had a dream.. A dream that I was too shy to even formulate into words in my mind... But I had it somewhere inside me... And now that I am living my dream... I just feel so happy every day... I can't describe it to my parents or my sister in a way that they would understand...
Perhaps you can imagine a girl who really admires Tom Cruise.. and the thought of even knowing Tom Cruise is such an extravagant thought... But one day, they met and they got married... Of course the girl would be so happy... Everyday would be such a gem...
I don't know how long I can train in the squad.. I know that I have to make money and support myself.. I know for Taekwondo, just like all sports, there is a limited lifespan... But whatever it takes, I will stay on in this as long as I can... And eventually when I have to leave (eg. when i get too old)... I will just leave graciously... knowing that I have done all I could and having no regrets at all...
Lastly, I really need to thank God for all this... Seriously... everything bad that has happened to me seem to work out for the better... and strangely, none of this amazing blessings would have been possible without all the hardship... God really works in amazing ways.. He turns the worse situations around a 180 degrees... So if this is a really trying time for you... Fret not... God can turn your situation around... Just hang in there... God's way might not be the fastest way.. but it's the best way... not only do you get to the destination... you learn so many things along the way...
God's grace. God's grace.
They all started off as people who admired others who took the stage... and instead of thinking
"Those stars are awesome... But I am just a normal person, I will never be like them."
They thought,
"Those stars are awesome.. I wanna be like them one day... And I know I can do it."
It all started off with this positive thought... It might be a form of 'wishful thinking' parents and friends are all too quick to dismiss... but this 'wishful thinking' was ABSOLUTELY necessary to fuel the passion needed to complete the path towards fulfilling a dream...
Truth be told. Just about a year ago, I had never even allowed myself to concieve a thought that I would ever be able to be part of the national training team... It was too lavish and too extravagant a dream for me... International tournament? Too good for someone like me... Forget it...
Lucky for me, there was something inside me that really really really loved taekwondo... And when it was put to the test... whether I should quit TKD.. or to persevere on.. that passion in me gave me an immediate answer... Giving up is not an option.. So I hung on... And now... I am living the dream that I have always thought was too lavish to dream... I actually felt embarassed even concieving that thought... I feel shy thinking that I would ever be good enough to represent Singapore...
This is why... Now that I am given a chance to live my dream... I really look forward to every training... Not really because I am looking forward to the ultimate tournament... But because I know that it really is a priviledge to train in the squad... and that there are so many taekwondo students out there who would dream of such an opportunity...
I had a dream.. A dream that I was too shy to even formulate into words in my mind... But I had it somewhere inside me... And now that I am living my dream... I just feel so happy every day... I can't describe it to my parents or my sister in a way that they would understand...
Perhaps you can imagine a girl who really admires Tom Cruise.. and the thought of even knowing Tom Cruise is such an extravagant thought... But one day, they met and they got married... Of course the girl would be so happy... Everyday would be such a gem...
I don't know how long I can train in the squad.. I know that I have to make money and support myself.. I know for Taekwondo, just like all sports, there is a limited lifespan... But whatever it takes, I will stay on in this as long as I can... And eventually when I have to leave (eg. when i get too old)... I will just leave graciously... knowing that I have done all I could and having no regrets at all...
Lastly, I really need to thank God for all this... Seriously... everything bad that has happened to me seem to work out for the better... and strangely, none of this amazing blessings would have been possible without all the hardship... God really works in amazing ways.. He turns the worse situations around a 180 degrees... So if this is a really trying time for you... Fret not... God can turn your situation around... Just hang in there... God's way might not be the fastest way.. but it's the best way... not only do you get to the destination... you learn so many things along the way...
God's grace. God's grace.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Honesty
I once read a quote off a cafe table at Loyang point (somewhere in Pasir ris)... It said "If you don't tell lies, you will have nothing to remember."
It's amazing how you spend your early teenage years trying to convince others that you are cool and popular... then spend your entire adulthood trying to live up to that image... and only in your older years do you begin to understand that all these while, while you were trying to keep up with the facade of cool and popular, you were actually already very awesome just the way you were... without having to pretend...
If we all understood this earlier, we would never have to struggle with self esteems issues... The only problem we will have is to convince others to value us as greatly as we value ourselves... We no longer have to convince ourselves that we are worthy... we already know that we are...
I used to imagine that people would love me and value me higher if I did better in my studies... I thought that my lack of popularity was due to my poor performance in academics. Of course, my hypothesis was proven wrong when I finally managed to fight my way to the top 14 in class and top 2o in the level... People didn't treat me any better... They had it in their minds that I was a loser... and had prepared with them a whole list of reasons to nullify whatever good points presented to them... (We all do that.. whether we notice it or not... If we are determined to like someone.. we dig deep and look for good points that might not even be there... Of course.. it works the other way round too)
The truth about relationships... the main thing that most people are concerned with is the following question:
Do you like me or not?
Simple as that.
But more often than not... We complicate things.. We forget that people are generally insecure and easily hurt emotional creatures... We start imagining that other people are more secure than us.. and are waiting to judge us and pounce at every wrong thing we do...
Truth be told... We all posess this inner desire to be liked, needed and wanted... Therefore, to maintain and sustain a good relationship... All you have to do is to focus on convincing your friend that he/she is likes, needed, wanted and appreciated....
Of course its really not as simple as that.. there are many factors too... for one, your friend MUST respect you in order to value your affection and appreciation for them...
Respect, however, cannot be earned through showing off your talents, abilities or academic results... these in fact have an opposite effect of turning people off... For one, it intimidates them and makes them feel like shit... (remember.. we are all insecure people).... Therefore, in trying to impress others, remember not to be hasty.. patience is key... You just got to be humble and honest and present the most honest self you have to those around you.... show them that you are imperfect.. but that's ok... because though you know that you are imperfect, you are confident enough to present this imperfect self to others because you trust that they are mature enough to value you for who you really are...
In being honest, you are also giving others a ticket to be honest in front of you..
Of course its silly to reveal all your flaws to a new friend... remember that the theory of putting your best foot forward still applies... you just got to present your best most honest self =) Remember the theory of primacy... the first impression always leaves the most lasting impression in people's mind...
In the nut shell, steps to honesty:
1) Know who you are - Treasured and beloved child of God
2) Be happy to be yourself (love yourself)
3) Present your most honest self to others
4) Accept others for who they are (compliment others when they reveal their true self - when they reveal their weakness, support them. Chances are they are really making a leap of faith by trusting you with that piece of information. Don't pounce on them with heaps of recommendations as to how to cure their pathetic life... Instead, support them, and show approval)
It's not difficult to paint up a fantasy image of yourself and attempt to live up the fantasy image everyday of your life.... It's not difficult... But its tiring.... Just be yourself... that is effortless... and very very charming =)
It's amazing how you spend your early teenage years trying to convince others that you are cool and popular... then spend your entire adulthood trying to live up to that image... and only in your older years do you begin to understand that all these while, while you were trying to keep up with the facade of cool and popular, you were actually already very awesome just the way you were... without having to pretend...
If we all understood this earlier, we would never have to struggle with self esteems issues... The only problem we will have is to convince others to value us as greatly as we value ourselves... We no longer have to convince ourselves that we are worthy... we already know that we are...
I used to imagine that people would love me and value me higher if I did better in my studies... I thought that my lack of popularity was due to my poor performance in academics. Of course, my hypothesis was proven wrong when I finally managed to fight my way to the top 14 in class and top 2o in the level... People didn't treat me any better... They had it in their minds that I was a loser... and had prepared with them a whole list of reasons to nullify whatever good points presented to them... (We all do that.. whether we notice it or not... If we are determined to like someone.. we dig deep and look for good points that might not even be there... Of course.. it works the other way round too)
The truth about relationships... the main thing that most people are concerned with is the following question:
Do you like me or not?
Simple as that.
But more often than not... We complicate things.. We forget that people are generally insecure and easily hurt emotional creatures... We start imagining that other people are more secure than us.. and are waiting to judge us and pounce at every wrong thing we do...
Truth be told... We all posess this inner desire to be liked, needed and wanted... Therefore, to maintain and sustain a good relationship... All you have to do is to focus on convincing your friend that he/she is likes, needed, wanted and appreciated....
Of course its really not as simple as that.. there are many factors too... for one, your friend MUST respect you in order to value your affection and appreciation for them...
Respect, however, cannot be earned through showing off your talents, abilities or academic results... these in fact have an opposite effect of turning people off... For one, it intimidates them and makes them feel like shit... (remember.. we are all insecure people).... Therefore, in trying to impress others, remember not to be hasty.. patience is key... You just got to be humble and honest and present the most honest self you have to those around you.... show them that you are imperfect.. but that's ok... because though you know that you are imperfect, you are confident enough to present this imperfect self to others because you trust that they are mature enough to value you for who you really are...
In being honest, you are also giving others a ticket to be honest in front of you..
Of course its silly to reveal all your flaws to a new friend... remember that the theory of putting your best foot forward still applies... you just got to present your best most honest self =) Remember the theory of primacy... the first impression always leaves the most lasting impression in people's mind...
In the nut shell, steps to honesty:
1) Know who you are - Treasured and beloved child of God
2) Be happy to be yourself (love yourself)
3) Present your most honest self to others
4) Accept others for who they are (compliment others when they reveal their true self - when they reveal their weakness, support them. Chances are they are really making a leap of faith by trusting you with that piece of information. Don't pounce on them with heaps of recommendations as to how to cure their pathetic life... Instead, support them, and show approval)
It's not difficult to paint up a fantasy image of yourself and attempt to live up the fantasy image everyday of your life.... It's not difficult... But its tiring.... Just be yourself... that is effortless... and very very charming =)
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