Honesty

I once read a quote off a cafe table at Loyang point (somewhere in Pasir ris)... It said "If you don't tell lies, you will have nothing to remember."

It's amazing how you spend your early teenage years trying to convince others that you are cool and popular... then spend your entire adulthood trying to live up to that image... and only in your older years do you begin to understand that all these while, while you were trying to keep up with the facade of cool and popular, you were actually already very awesome just the way you were... without having to pretend...

If we all understood this earlier, we would never have to struggle with self esteems issues... The only problem we will have is to convince others to value us as greatly as we value ourselves... We no longer have to convince ourselves that we are worthy... we already know that we are...

I used to imagine that people would love me and value me higher if I did better in my studies... I thought that my lack of popularity was due to my poor performance in academics. Of course, my hypothesis was proven wrong when I finally managed to fight my way to the top 14 in class and top 2o in the level... People didn't treat me any better... They had it in their minds that I was a loser... and had prepared with them a whole list of reasons to nullify whatever good points presented to them... (We all do that.. whether we notice it or not... If we are determined to like someone.. we dig deep and look for good points that might not even be there... Of course.. it works the other way round too)

The truth about relationships... the main thing that most people are concerned with is the following question:

Do you like me or not?

Simple as that.

But more often than not... We complicate things.. We forget that people are generally insecure and easily hurt emotional creatures... We start imagining that other people are more secure than us.. and are waiting to judge us and pounce at every wrong thing we do...

Truth be told... We all posess this inner desire to be liked, needed and wanted... Therefore, to maintain and sustain a good relationship... All you have to do is to focus on convincing your friend that he/she is likes, needed, wanted and appreciated....

Of course its really not as simple as that.. there are many factors too... for one, your friend MUST respect you in order to value your affection and appreciation for them...

Respect, however, cannot be earned through showing off your talents, abilities or academic results... these in fact have an opposite effect of turning people off... For one, it intimidates them and makes them feel like shit... (remember.. we are all insecure people).... Therefore, in trying to impress others, remember not to be hasty.. patience is key... You just got to be humble and honest and present the most honest self you have to those around you.... show them that you are imperfect.. but that's ok... because though you know that you are imperfect, you are confident enough to present this imperfect self to others because you trust that they are mature enough to value you for who you really are...

In being honest, you are also giving others a ticket to be honest in front of you..

Of course its silly to reveal all your flaws to a new friend... remember that the theory of putting your best foot forward still applies... you just got to present your best most honest self =) Remember the theory of primacy... the first impression always leaves the most lasting impression in people's mind...

In the nut shell, steps to honesty:

1) Know who you are - Treasured and beloved child of God
2) Be happy to be yourself (love yourself)
3) Present your most honest self to others
4) Accept others for who they are (compliment others when they reveal their true self - when they reveal their weakness, support them. Chances are they are really making a leap of faith by trusting you with that piece of information. Don't pounce on them with heaps of recommendations as to how to cure their pathetic life... Instead, support them, and show approval)

It's not difficult to paint up a fantasy image of yourself and attempt to live up the fantasy image everyday of your life.... It's not difficult... But its tiring.... Just be yourself... that is effortless... and very very charming =)