My father is not really a very typical man... In fact, he is very different from other fathers... Not in a bad way though... I have always appreciated his uniqueness... Though I must admit that sometimes I am a little shy about it... He's never afraid to be different from others... And from him, I learnt to be proud of who I am, even if I am very different from others... From him I learnt that it does not matter how many people are doing something... it does not make that thing right...
If a 100 persons do something wrong... it does not make the wrong thing right.. Similarly, if only 1 person does the right thing, it does not make him wrong... Therefore, always have a mind of your own... Most people are followers... they are just doing what everyone else is doing.. and that might not necessarily be the right thing... Look at the signs around you, make you own decision and stick to it...
To be a leader, you must not be afraid to be the first one walking out into the darkness of uncertainty... Unlike the others, you will have no one else to follow except for God himself... Which is good... it will lead you inevitably closer in your walk with God...
Today, I would like to share with you a story that I just stumbled upon in the bible.. I find it incredibly interesting... and funny in a way... =)
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Acts 19: 8-20
Paul entered the synagague and spoke boldly there for three months, arguing persuasively about the kingdom of God. But some of them became obstinate; they refused to believe and publicably maligned the Way. So Paul left them. He took the disciples with him and had discussions daily in the lecture hall of Tyrannus. This went on for two years, so that all the Jews and Greeks who lived in the province of Asia heard the word of the Lord.
God did extraordinary miracles through Paul, so that even handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched him were taken to the sick, and their illnesses were cured and the evil spirits left them.
Some Jews who went around driving out evil spirits tried to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who were demon-possessed. They would say, "In the name of Jesus, whom Paul preaches, I command you to come out." Seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish Priest, were doing this. One day, the evil spirit answered them, "Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?" Then the man who had the evil spirit jumped on them and overpowered them all. He gave them such a beating that they ran out of the house naked and bleeding.
When this became known to the Jews and Greeks living in Ephesus, they were all seized with fear, and the name of the Lord Jesus was held in high honour. Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds. A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly. When they calculated the value of the scrolls, the total came to fifty thousand drachmas. In this way the word of the Lord spread widely and grew in power.
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Paul is an amazing man... He was the chosen one.. The one who persecuted and led to the stoning of many new christians... and Yet, God chose him and revealed himself to Paul to make him the vehicle of transport of the message of the new covenant to all the world... and even today, as we study Paul... always bear in mind that Paul himself was a Jew.. and not just any Jew, but one who persecuted christians... His entire existance as a servant of God and the apostle of the new covenant is so grounded on grace because nothing in the natural validates his status... In fact, I believe fervently that it is his lack of natural credentials that made him so perfect an apostle of grace...
So Paul went around spreading the news of Jesus's death and resurrection... Teaching people about the new covenant Jesus has died to established, he spoke boldly in public, argued persuasively and had daily discussions... It was his full time job... and of course, even Paul had his share of hardship... for there were those who did not believe and other violent non-believers who publicably maligned him. But he did not give up.... He persevered... and Yes... he carried on doing his full time job till every Jew and Greek in the province of Asia new about his message of the new covenant... about Jesus...
I truly believe that paul must have truly and full-hearted believed every single word he preached... He knew Jesus and he knew Jesus died and rose again for he saw him after his death... and because he believed it so strongly, he was able to spread the message... Because he believed it without a doubt, and was bold in his preaching... he was able to perform great miracles that even his handkerchief could drive out evil spirits... Imagine how blessed Paul is... and how powerful God has made him...
So of course, many Jews started to understand the power of the Lord Jesus... When the opportunity came and they had to cast out demons and perform exorcisms, they thought that perhaps they should try invoking the name of Jesus and Paul... And it worked!! Yes for the first few times it did... until they met a stronger or rather, more intelligent demon who spoke straight in their faces " I know Jesus. I know Paul. But who are you?".... It is almost funny if you think about it... how something even Paul's handkerchief could accomplish, the presence of men with words were unable to do... And of course, how the evil spirit was able to overpower all of them...
The moral of the story.. You cannot sell something you do not believe in... Similarly, if you believe in something you got to be bold about it... God's grace and God's promises are not flimsy concepts... they are strong weapons against all powers of darkness be it depression, diseases, evil spirits... but why do they work on some people and not on others?
Have you ever seen a sales person selling a product he/she does not believe in? Certainly the sales would be quite poor because whatever he says will be unconvincing... His conversation would sound abit like this:
"This knife is good. It can cut through all types of meat and vegetables."
"what about frozen meat? Are you sure it can cut through that?"
"Erm, I don't know... Should be."
"Does it need to be sharpened? Do you sell the sharpener?"
"I am not sure."
"Is it better than last month's model? In what way?"
"I am so sorry... I really don't know."
And that's when the customer walks away... You can't sell something you don't know about and something you don't believe in... That is exactly why the Jews were unable to invoke Jesus's name and cast out the demons... Simply because they didn't know Jesus and they did not believe in him...
So for all you believers out there... please be bold in your love for God.... When people ask you if you christian.. say YES I AM... Don't be embarassed about it... and when people ask you about God's grace... be bold and say that I believe that Jesus died on the cross the most painful and humiliating death ever so that I can recieve all the goodness and blessings that I do not deserve... and that is what grace is... receiving what I do not deserve because Jesus on the cross recieved what he did not deserve...
And do yourself a favour... Read the bible... Learn and understand more about Jesus... So that when hardship and diseases and all kinds of tribulations come your way... you can boldly look them in the eye and say, "I am a child of God. The one whom God loves. And I have authority over you because of Jesus... so please leave at once." You will not fail like those in the story... Because truly, God has already given you the same divine authority that he has given Paul... It is a matter of how much you know about it...
Of course, the story ends with how people begin to believe the authority of Jesus and to confess their sins openly... Another beautiful picture of how God can make something good come out of something evil...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Perhaps
- Perhaps being gracious is to understand that no one should have to earn their basic human rights and respect...
- Perhaps the reason why we misbehave is because we underestimate how much we mean to the other party and how deep the words cut....
- Perhaps I have fallen for an image of you in my mind... and not you..
- Perhaps the only difference between pure gold and dust is how we perceive it...
- Perhaps the only thing that makes humans amazing is their capacity to love others...
- Perhaps we should all learn how to live in the moment
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Galatians 6:1
Doing Good to All
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.
Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his insturctor.
Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from the nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.
Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his insturctor.
Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from the nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
1 Corinthians 2:6
Wisdom From the Spirit
We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age of of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucifed the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those
who love him"
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirt of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.
We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age of of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucifed the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those
who love him"
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirt of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.
Math Teacher Story
I remembered in JC... I had this awesome math teacher... He was hardworking and dedicated... Everything he did, he did for his students... and all the while, he retained his humility and sense of humour... He was the kindest and funniest teacher around... He gave more of himself to the students than he could afford to give... And when someone does that, the only way he can sustain his enthusiasm would be in the presence of adequate appreciation... But he got none...
Instead, some mean students came up to him and made fun of him and humiliated him.... After which he changed.... He became toned down.. His lectures were no longer lively... No more jokes, no more laughter... He lost that spark in him... We all noticed the difference.. But it was not until the Biology teacher scolded the cohort did we know the cause of this great shift... And up till today, I wonder if anyone went to apologise to that teacher and told him what a great person he was... I would, if I was given another opportunity... To make a hamper of presents and tell him how much I appreciate his effort and genuine love for us... But now it is too late... I can only trust God to look after him and keep the light in him shining bright...
Though you might not understand it.. such events change you... It might years before you are wise enough to concieve your relevelation in words.. But the change has already occured in you.. You have grown wiser... My revelation was simple... he changed... because people like me, who appreciate him chose to remain silent... and the nasty few... decided to speak up....
Instead, some mean students came up to him and made fun of him and humiliated him.... After which he changed.... He became toned down.. His lectures were no longer lively... No more jokes, no more laughter... He lost that spark in him... We all noticed the difference.. But it was not until the Biology teacher scolded the cohort did we know the cause of this great shift... And up till today, I wonder if anyone went to apologise to that teacher and told him what a great person he was... I would, if I was given another opportunity... To make a hamper of presents and tell him how much I appreciate his effort and genuine love for us... But now it is too late... I can only trust God to look after him and keep the light in him shining bright...
Though you might not understand it.. such events change you... It might years before you are wise enough to concieve your relevelation in words.. But the change has already occured in you.. You have grown wiser... My revelation was simple... he changed... because people like me, who appreciate him chose to remain silent... and the nasty few... decided to speak up....
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A woman's heart
Of all of God's creation, I feel that a woman's heart is by far one of the most magnificent... It is from the bowels of the female heart that unconditional love, comforting warmth and breathtaking beauty emerges... It is so overwhelmingly awesome that you can almost always see God in the eyes of a mother...
But as with all powerful and awesome things, a woman's heart can be hardened... A hardened woman's heart is simply terrifying... It has been centuries since man have witnessed the grotesque and wicked nature of a hardened female's heart... To survive politically, Chinese concubines have resorted to killing their own daughters and torturing their fellow concubines in unspeakable ways...
Today's topic will be on the woman's heart....
You know the chinese egg cake? The yellow one split in the middle with a red dot on it? A woman's heart is very much like a chinese egg cake... When it feels no love, or is left out in the open or in the cold for too long... it hardens... it is unappetising to even look at the frozen chinese egg cake... no where near delectable... And just like a frozen chinese egg cake, a harden woman's heart is harsh and frightening, not something comforting and beautiful as it was intended to be...
The reason why women are mean and overly tough is not because they have breached the line of adulthood and have turned independent. It is because they feel insufficient love... As a result, their hearts are hardened... Just like an egg cake left in the fridge for too long...
Something soft and squishy is simply too vulnerable to blows and attacks, the woman has no choice but to harden her heart to cut losses... After many blows of dissapointment, the woman decides that it is best to just build a protective coating around her heart... The protective coating is simply a realisation that she is never going to recieve the love she longs for... that everything that looks like a potential lover is really more like a potential heartbreak...
This protective coating works like a forcefield by helping to protect the heart from dissapointment and hurt.... In turn, the woman forsakes her child-like innocence and compassion and turns means and judgemental... She becomes unforgiving and unloving... And this makes her highly unlikeable... making the possibility of her recieving love even smaller than before...
The solution? Warmth... Like a Chinese egg cake, all you need to do is to take it out of the fridge and steam is gently.. Don't throw it in the oven or subject it too much heat at once... You need to treat the heart with respect... Remember at all times, that the heart is enormously vulnerable... Just give it bite size comfortable portions of warmth and love in the gentlest most subtle way possible... and before you know it... the egg cake (and heart) is back to its soft and squishy self...
I really enjoy do nice things for women as I marvel at a woman's ability to mulitiply love... In fact, you must note that when you treat a lady kindly, you are not only opening up possibilities for your relationship with her, you are really softening her heart so that she can love all those around her...
Guys tend to be more, how do i put it, practical... when you are nice to a guy... he begins to imagine that you like him... and in a way, it sort of makes things awkward.... but that's never the case for women because giving and loving others unconditionally is simply the nature of a woman... All women understand this principle..
With that said, remember to always be kind to a woman... and if you can't, at least don't be mean... You never know who's heart you are hardening... and how much love you are depriving the world from having because of your mean act... A hard heart does no good to the mind and body... the lady will find herself stressed and tired and weak...
And men, please learn to take the place God has created for you... You are meant to look after the ladies as if they are the weaker gender... And yet I see many men these days who train their women up to harden their hearts to make harsh decisions... This is really not what the woman wants.. Deep inside, women are all soft-hearted creatures who long for peace and security and for someone to look after them... If given a choice, I believe that none of them would choose to be mean... It is just not in their nature...
Women, please be strong... I am not asking you to start building up your protective layer and hardening your hearts... I am asking you to have faith in people... Even if it should mean that your soft heart be made open and vulnerable to more blows... Remember, that however badly you are hurt, God can and is most willing to heal you... But what God cannot use is a hardened heart... He needs you soft, squishy and hopeful in order to use you best... Thus be strong in faith... Always have a confident expectation of good in people..
But as with all powerful and awesome things, a woman's heart can be hardened... A hardened woman's heart is simply terrifying... It has been centuries since man have witnessed the grotesque and wicked nature of a hardened female's heart... To survive politically, Chinese concubines have resorted to killing their own daughters and torturing their fellow concubines in unspeakable ways...
Today's topic will be on the woman's heart....
You know the chinese egg cake? The yellow one split in the middle with a red dot on it? A woman's heart is very much like a chinese egg cake... When it feels no love, or is left out in the open or in the cold for too long... it hardens... it is unappetising to even look at the frozen chinese egg cake... no where near delectable... And just like a frozen chinese egg cake, a harden woman's heart is harsh and frightening, not something comforting and beautiful as it was intended to be...
The reason why women are mean and overly tough is not because they have breached the line of adulthood and have turned independent. It is because they feel insufficient love... As a result, their hearts are hardened... Just like an egg cake left in the fridge for too long...
Something soft and squishy is simply too vulnerable to blows and attacks, the woman has no choice but to harden her heart to cut losses... After many blows of dissapointment, the woman decides that it is best to just build a protective coating around her heart... The protective coating is simply a realisation that she is never going to recieve the love she longs for... that everything that looks like a potential lover is really more like a potential heartbreak...
This protective coating works like a forcefield by helping to protect the heart from dissapointment and hurt.... In turn, the woman forsakes her child-like innocence and compassion and turns means and judgemental... She becomes unforgiving and unloving... And this makes her highly unlikeable... making the possibility of her recieving love even smaller than before...
The solution? Warmth... Like a Chinese egg cake, all you need to do is to take it out of the fridge and steam is gently.. Don't throw it in the oven or subject it too much heat at once... You need to treat the heart with respect... Remember at all times, that the heart is enormously vulnerable... Just give it bite size comfortable portions of warmth and love in the gentlest most subtle way possible... and before you know it... the egg cake (and heart) is back to its soft and squishy self...
I really enjoy do nice things for women as I marvel at a woman's ability to mulitiply love... In fact, you must note that when you treat a lady kindly, you are not only opening up possibilities for your relationship with her, you are really softening her heart so that she can love all those around her...
Guys tend to be more, how do i put it, practical... when you are nice to a guy... he begins to imagine that you like him... and in a way, it sort of makes things awkward.... but that's never the case for women because giving and loving others unconditionally is simply the nature of a woman... All women understand this principle..
With that said, remember to always be kind to a woman... and if you can't, at least don't be mean... You never know who's heart you are hardening... and how much love you are depriving the world from having because of your mean act... A hard heart does no good to the mind and body... the lady will find herself stressed and tired and weak...
And men, please learn to take the place God has created for you... You are meant to look after the ladies as if they are the weaker gender... And yet I see many men these days who train their women up to harden their hearts to make harsh decisions... This is really not what the woman wants.. Deep inside, women are all soft-hearted creatures who long for peace and security and for someone to look after them... If given a choice, I believe that none of them would choose to be mean... It is just not in their nature...
Women, please be strong... I am not asking you to start building up your protective layer and hardening your hearts... I am asking you to have faith in people... Even if it should mean that your soft heart be made open and vulnerable to more blows... Remember, that however badly you are hurt, God can and is most willing to heal you... But what God cannot use is a hardened heart... He needs you soft, squishy and hopeful in order to use you best... Thus be strong in faith... Always have a confident expectation of good in people..
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Travelling
It is amazing how travelling out of your comfort zone changes your mind... It is amazing when you begin to realise that just 1.5 hours flight away, a new world lies undiscovered.... It is also amazing when you understand that no matter how much you screw up in your life now, just a few hours away, you can be somewhere completely different where no one knows you... you get to start afresh... So perhaps, with this knowledge, understand that it is never the end for you... your new beginning is just a few hours away...
You know, I am a very timid person... I am afraid of change.. Everyday, I take the bus 89... I arrive at hougang terminal and take the NEL... Everyday, I sit on the same seat... and I am sure I see the same bus driver day in day out... And somehow, along the monotony of life, I begin to imagine that this is all life has to offer... How wrong can I be? How small can my world get? Eventually, I find myself bored and lonely... But then all this while, so many new worlds are lying out there, waiting for me to discover...
That is precisely why I fervently believe that everyone should travel... At least once a year... It will not only help you put things into perspective... it will make whatever problems that seem so large to you appear small...
You know, I am a very timid person... I am afraid of change.. Everyday, I take the bus 89... I arrive at hougang terminal and take the NEL... Everyday, I sit on the same seat... and I am sure I see the same bus driver day in day out... And somehow, along the monotony of life, I begin to imagine that this is all life has to offer... How wrong can I be? How small can my world get? Eventually, I find myself bored and lonely... But then all this while, so many new worlds are lying out there, waiting for me to discover...
That is precisely why I fervently believe that everyone should travel... At least once a year... It will not only help you put things into perspective... it will make whatever problems that seem so large to you appear small...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Post-Vietnam notes
Just got back from the airport... bathed, unpacked and gave out some presents to my family members.. Glad they like the presents... Feeling very exhausted.. but want to note down a few important revelations before sleeping...
- People fight better when they are not afraid... being vigiliant and cautious is not the same as being afraid...
- What I admire about the super-good players... It's not that they don't get slammed or backthrusted... It's that even if they do fall, they are able to pick themselves back up IMMEDIATELY... and still perform at 100%... without new-found fear and over-cautiousness... That is true confidence...
- Fighting is alot like driving... When you first start driving, you are frightened everytime you step into the car.. Afraid of accidents and making mistakes... and thus, that leads to more mistakes.. but once you overcome the freshness of it... and it becomes as well-adapted... you are no longer afraid.. you can drive without thinking... like Mam says "auto-pilot"
- Experience is very important...
- I managed to sleep well and stay resonable calm for the entire trip... even before my fight... it was much better because I anticipated the 'night-before' fear-attacks... and managed to handle it better... Basically my mind was more focused on enjoying the trip then on the fight... 'ruminating and thinking about the fight will not make me perform any better... it will just tire my mind out'
- I like fighting feather
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Pre-Vietnam thoughts
I am starting to believe that fighting international tournament is really a matter of experience... Seriously, the more experienced you are... the more able you are to deal with the stress and pre-tournament anxiety... For the last two international tournments I attended... I was really a matter of handling the stress of the anticipation... Long before I start fighting I am already mentally strained... which of course, does no good to the mind and body...
Perhaps, one must able to take the event lightly before he/she can perform... Of course you must still have the desire to win... But no more than that which you possess when you train... it is dangerous to make winning the top priority.. Instead, think about how you can enjoy the fight and perform at your best... This way, you won't be so pressurised... There will be a higher chance you can perform well for the competition as well as enjoy the trip as a whole...
Do not be illogically negative... If you are good enough to be selected... You'll probably won't be knocked out... Do not be overly confident as well... this will make you more vulnerable.. Instead, be vigilant, cautious and brave... Fight like you do normally...
I cannot lie to you... I am still very new at this.. and my lack of experience makes me very frightened... and I do know that for the last 2 international tournament I went for... the night before the fight and every hour leading up to me stepping into the arena is pure agony...
It is always the night before when I start questioning myself "Why do I put myself through this? Why didn't I pick up a safer sport? Why risk my life when there are so many other safer things I could do? What if I die.. or get handicapped? It is not worth it... I am quitting TKD after this tournament..." Yes... It always ends with that note.. I am quitting after this tournament..
BUT I never did... because though I am a coward.. I can't deny that i thoroughly enjoy the adrenaline rush.. the gracefulness of the sport... the sound of the padding when my kick contacts it... the execution of a turning kick... All this beauty... How can I forsake it? Why should I forsake it?
And the truth is, all that fear is illogical.... If you think about it, I am going to meet a girl my size... I am already sparring regularly with guys heavier than me... and I can always sleep peacefully the night before those sparring sessions... Why I so afraid of that girl I am going to meet? It is illogical... And the dead truth is also that I have been back-thrusted, kicked in the head (the eye even) by guys... and I am still standing... And I have already fought two international tournaments.. and I am still alive!!! So why am I so afraid?
This fear is illogical... And it is not only because the human denise is probably good enough to stay alive.. it is because, God has been taking care of me long before I became good enough to defend myself.. and God has never left me.. The fear is illogical... But I can't control it... I would like to commit it to God and pray for his love and grace that covers all sin....
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Dear Lord heavenly father,
I know that I am a coward.
And I lack the courage required to live the life you have planned for me.
Even now, I lack the courage to love the people I want to.
But above all, at this moment, I lack faith and courage,
Because I know deep down in me,
That I am not ready yet.
That the gold probably belongs to someone else.
But it is not in my strength, experience and capabilities that I trust.
It is in your grace and absolute power,
That transcends all understanding.
I know that if judged by the standards of this world,
I am lacking in all areas.
But in your eyes,
It is my weakness that has given you an opening to work.
Your strength is perfected in my weakness.
I pray now for a peace that I do not deserve.
I pray for the peace that Jesus died to give me.
The shalom peace,
That completes me and guards my heart from all fear and anxiety.
Perhaps, I should not pray to perform to the best of my ability.
For that is not enough.
I pray to perform to a degree of absolute brilliance,
Worthy of a Princess of God
that your glory might be known.
I cannot deny that
I fear that if I should under-peform,
I might be an embarassment to you.
And all those who believe in your grace through my testimony
Would be dissapointed.
But I also believe that you, my father who loves me,
Will not give me a challenge too big for me to handle.
You will not lift me up so high only to bring me down.
So it is in this love and grace that I put my trust in.
I pray that you guard all our hearts from fear
And bless us with peaceful travel and sleep,
That we might all enjoy this trip and return home safely,
Wiser and more experienced than before.
Dear Lord,
You work in amazing ways,
And even in dark failure, you have something good in store.
My wisdom is insufficient to understand your plans.
But I do know,
That when everything unrevels,
And the last piece of the puzzle is put in place,
I shall be totally amazed by your wisdom and grace.
Somehow admist the feelings of worry and neglect,
I feel your enormous embrace of love.
And it is this love, this feeling that I am important to you,
That makes all the difference in the world.
When I am most aware of your love for me,
That is when I am most magnificent.
But I fall,
I am fallible.
And when i lose sight of your love,
and focus my attention on the frugal human love I recieve,
It all pales in comparison,
And is greatly insufficient
And I find myself greatly unappreciated and unloved.
So I pray dear Lord,
That you bless me with peace and aboveall,
A constant awareness of your love for me.
The same love that sent you to sacrifise your only son,
In the most painful and shameful manner possible.
All this I pray in Jesus's name,
Amen
Perhaps, one must able to take the event lightly before he/she can perform... Of course you must still have the desire to win... But no more than that which you possess when you train... it is dangerous to make winning the top priority.. Instead, think about how you can enjoy the fight and perform at your best... This way, you won't be so pressurised... There will be a higher chance you can perform well for the competition as well as enjoy the trip as a whole...
Do not be illogically negative... If you are good enough to be selected... You'll probably won't be knocked out... Do not be overly confident as well... this will make you more vulnerable.. Instead, be vigilant, cautious and brave... Fight like you do normally...
I cannot lie to you... I am still very new at this.. and my lack of experience makes me very frightened... and I do know that for the last 2 international tournament I went for... the night before the fight and every hour leading up to me stepping into the arena is pure agony...
It is always the night before when I start questioning myself "Why do I put myself through this? Why didn't I pick up a safer sport? Why risk my life when there are so many other safer things I could do? What if I die.. or get handicapped? It is not worth it... I am quitting TKD after this tournament..." Yes... It always ends with that note.. I am quitting after this tournament..
BUT I never did... because though I am a coward.. I can't deny that i thoroughly enjoy the adrenaline rush.. the gracefulness of the sport... the sound of the padding when my kick contacts it... the execution of a turning kick... All this beauty... How can I forsake it? Why should I forsake it?
And the truth is, all that fear is illogical.... If you think about it, I am going to meet a girl my size... I am already sparring regularly with guys heavier than me... and I can always sleep peacefully the night before those sparring sessions... Why I so afraid of that girl I am going to meet? It is illogical... And the dead truth is also that I have been back-thrusted, kicked in the head (the eye even) by guys... and I am still standing... And I have already fought two international tournaments.. and I am still alive!!! So why am I so afraid?
This fear is illogical... And it is not only because the human denise is probably good enough to stay alive.. it is because, God has been taking care of me long before I became good enough to defend myself.. and God has never left me.. The fear is illogical... But I can't control it... I would like to commit it to God and pray for his love and grace that covers all sin....
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Dear Lord heavenly father,
I know that I am a coward.
And I lack the courage required to live the life you have planned for me.
Even now, I lack the courage to love the people I want to.
But above all, at this moment, I lack faith and courage,
Because I know deep down in me,
That I am not ready yet.
That the gold probably belongs to someone else.
But it is not in my strength, experience and capabilities that I trust.
It is in your grace and absolute power,
That transcends all understanding.
I know that if judged by the standards of this world,
I am lacking in all areas.
But in your eyes,
It is my weakness that has given you an opening to work.
Your strength is perfected in my weakness.
I pray now for a peace that I do not deserve.
I pray for the peace that Jesus died to give me.
The shalom peace,
That completes me and guards my heart from all fear and anxiety.
Perhaps, I should not pray to perform to the best of my ability.
For that is not enough.
I pray to perform to a degree of absolute brilliance,
Worthy of a Princess of God
that your glory might be known.
I cannot deny that
I fear that if I should under-peform,
I might be an embarassment to you.
And all those who believe in your grace through my testimony
Would be dissapointed.
But I also believe that you, my father who loves me,
Will not give me a challenge too big for me to handle.
You will not lift me up so high only to bring me down.
So it is in this love and grace that I put my trust in.
I pray that you guard all our hearts from fear
And bless us with peaceful travel and sleep,
That we might all enjoy this trip and return home safely,
Wiser and more experienced than before.
Dear Lord,
You work in amazing ways,
And even in dark failure, you have something good in store.
My wisdom is insufficient to understand your plans.
But I do know,
That when everything unrevels,
And the last piece of the puzzle is put in place,
I shall be totally amazed by your wisdom and grace.
Somehow admist the feelings of worry and neglect,
I feel your enormous embrace of love.
And it is this love, this feeling that I am important to you,
That makes all the difference in the world.
When I am most aware of your love for me,
That is when I am most magnificent.
But I fall,
I am fallible.
And when i lose sight of your love,
and focus my attention on the frugal human love I recieve,
It all pales in comparison,
And is greatly insufficient
And I find myself greatly unappreciated and unloved.
So I pray dear Lord,
That you bless me with peace and aboveall,
A constant awareness of your love for me.
The same love that sent you to sacrifise your only son,
In the most painful and shameful manner possible.
All this I pray in Jesus's name,
Amen
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