The bluest eye

Time to share with you another story.. The Bluest Eye... By Toni Morrison... One of my many literature texts in my first year in university...

I read many books... But somehow.. I am drawn to books that really speak about the emotional destruction of humans... books that talk about discrimination.. abuse.. It just speaks to me.. You see... very little would know this about me.. but I was really discriminated by my peers throughout of my primary and secondary years.. I have always put the blame on my peers.. because I didn't understand that sometimes my behavior could have influenced them to discriminate me.. I always push the entire blame on them..

So it is in my later years (JC and above) that I decided to make a change.. be less timidly and see if things do get better... It was this phrase "how can you expect different results if you keep doing things the same way." that inspired me to change... It was then that I realised that even I could have friends.. Of course.. the earlier 10 years of my education was quite painful.. and I am just browsing through it in an unemotional fashion.. but it was these first 10 years of education that really left a mark on my heart... it was almost involuntary.. I resolved to NOT EVER EVER discriminate another person for the rest of my live.. because I knew how hurtful it was.. and to ALWAYS help people assimilate into the environment.. I understood loneliness..

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OK.. back to the story.. The story speaks about a period not so long ago.. maybe about 90 years ago in America.. There were many many sub plots but the one I remembered most vividly was of this young afro-american girl about the age of 10 years who was brought up by her mother and alcoholic father... She's always admired caucasian girls with blue eyes because she saw in school that these girls are favoured both my the teachers and the boys.. and they never had trouble looking for attention or love.. She thought that once she had blue eyes, people will love her... So she prayed and prayed that one day her eyes would turn blue...

One day.. she got her period... and her friend told her that she could now be a mother.. but first she had to find a man to love her... she was puzzled.. she asked her friend "How do you make someone love you?". ..Seriously.. I think that most of you might think that it is a really lame question but that is the question I kept myself since I was a small girl.. Ever since I left my Aunt's place at 7.. I never felt loved.. ever..

So.. as the story progresses... the alcoholic father of hers.. went crazy one night and raped her... she went crazy instantly.. and after a few more rapes.. she got pregnant.. Her insanity created the illusion that she had blue eyes.. and for once she was so happy... I remember my teacher commenting that it was her insanity that protected her and prevented her from self-destroying... and that it was sort of a happy ending..

Eventually her baby died a still born in her womb.. she was far too young to carry a baby...
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Well, seriously.. I am not doing the story any justice.. You got to read the book yourself to truly be at awe of its magnificence...It so clearly and painfully described the feeling of being discriminated.. It is just like I could have wrote it myself.. Just that someone beat me to it.. long before i was born...

And of course... The age old question... "How do you make someone love you?"