Super mushy entry - be warned

I am part of something new.. Yes.. I am a new part of something... Yes... I belong to something now... if there is any time that I should feel happy.. It is now.. Right now.. Yes.. right now.. I don't seem to have any major stress factor in my life? Why why why? What's the key of stability?

Well, its not very complicated. It's simply to be out of love.. The thing is.. as poison impairs the function and reasoning of man... so does love... It makes us totally unable to control ourselves... We are uncontrollably swayed by the emotionals and mood swings of the one we love... we become illogical.. The rest of the world don't seem to matter as long as the one we love is happy... we can destroy so many innocents just to please the one we love..

Haiz.. such is love.. it's so powerful.. yet.. so brutal.. Yes.. I have been sacrifised as a worthless innocent in the game of love. The only people who have claimed to love me don't seem to understand that love requires self sacrifise... They love me from a very safe position and when it is time for them to step out of their comfort zone to show me that they really care.. they just fail... they fail miserably.... Eventually.. I start to understand that the person they all love most is simply themselves...

I wonder if you remember this particular Robin Williams movie... It is about this man who died in a car accident.. His heartbroken wife killed herself and thus got herself into hell... This man travelled all the way down to hell to search for his wife only to find that his wife has gone bonkers and don't seem to recognise him.. As the story continues, he was only allowed a limited time in hell before he himself would be consumed in madness... but he loved her so much.. He LOVED her so much that he decided to stay in hell with her.. even if he loses his mind forever... It is when he made this decision when his wife finally starts recognising him and finally love was so great it won her a place in heaven where they both lived happily ever after...

Sounds like a lame story eh? But I remember the scene when the 'gatekeeper' warned Robin Williams that he has leave now.. or be doomed in hell forever... he said something to the effect that "heaven won't be a heaven without her." It is only when he was finally willing to sacrifise himself that his love really counted for anything. Before that.. it was all only liking a person from a position of comfort... you don't risk youself.. you never truly love...

Remember the korean drama "stairway to heaven"... It is about this female protagonist with cancer.. she was blind as well.. she had two lovers.. one she really loved and the other who really loved her (I call him Lee).. She only had 4 months left to live... but Lee loved her so much that he wanted to sacrifise his corneas to give her sight for the last 4 months of her life.. however, the doctor told him that only a dead man can donate his corneas.. driven mad by his love.. he crashed himself in a car taking care to cover his eyes (to protect the corneas). He was wearing a name tag for donation of corneas tagged around his wrist... He sacrifised his entire life just to give her sight for a miserable four months.. even when she was in love with another... Seriously.. I cried like crazy when I watched that episode.. It was so touching man.. This is love.

There is something about this mad love that makes the world go around... Love is not just about physical passion.. Seriously.. if it was so shallow... it would make all of us love saints... the thing is... another cheesy quote... liking someone is liking him for his strengths.. loving someone is falling in love even with his flaws... Yap.. And I still believe that up till today...

Mr Right is someone out there.. and everyday that passes just brings me one day closer to him... I don't need a man who will sacrifise his life.. but I need to know that he will at least put his ego aside and think in my shoes from time to time... Yap.. loving someone is simply making his happiness your personal responsibility... (another quote from somewhere.. not from me)