Bitching

I used to believe that all bitching is bad. (Bitching is talking bad about someone behind someone's back.) I used to find it completely unnecessary and being the saint that I think i am.. it is beneath me. However, I never gave bitching its due credit. While bitching may seem childish and untrue, it definitely has its plus points. For one, it helps you unload tension. It prevents you from blowing up at that person and ruining your friendship. It allows you to share your frustrations with someone else and get a second opinion. Therefore the tip of the day is to learn how to deal with bitches. (I am a bitch. i don't deny it)

You definitely should not give the bitch a dressing down and tell her that she should be ashamed of herself. Instead, when someone bitches to you, there is a 99.999% chance that she is feeling victimised and need some emotional support. So whether or not you agree with her, the first thing to do is to support her. Agree with her.. say things like "Oh my God, how can she do that? It is definitely wrong. I am so sorry for you". All right, after you have reassured her, you can go on to offering the right advise, but be careful to always stay on her side. NEVER say things like " Why are you so childish and mean and unappreciative? I thought that girl was your good friend." It will make your friend feel even worse and make you look bad (after all.. we all bitch about everyone we know from time to time).

Finally, establish the fact that only that bitching party can come to the conclusion of "Maybe she's not so bad afterall.. maybe I am just imagining things because I am feeling insecure." NEVER EVER EVER come to that conclusion for her. It will make her look so bad, and she will feel so humiliated. However, if she comes to this conclusion on her own, she will feel loads better. She will feel like a mature responsible adult whom she is.

So.. next time you deal with a friend who wishes to bitch to you, don't be put of and think that your friend is an unholy bastard. Your friend probably feels very victimised and very sad.. she seriously needs support and someone to unload her tension on... Someone who is genuinely concerned and wishes sincerely to make her feel better. Bitching is a necessary component to in EVERY relationship. Serious. If you not bitch about a person, you are either Jesus or delusional or living in Lala land. So, if you are human... you will need to bitch. Because there is this innate desire to perfect things. And in this imperfect world, we keep seeing and picking things that need correction and changes. But we cannot go around correcting other people without ruining relationships. Therefore, most people only wait till when it is completely necessary before voicing their real thoughts in a tactful way. 90% of the time we just bitch to unload the tension.. only 10% of the time, we confront the problem.

You might think that after 3 years of relationship/friendship that the relationship is steady enough for you to offer constant correction to your partner. However, this will greatly hurt the ego of your partner and thus end up spoiling the relationship. Therefore, it wise to just practise the few basic steps when coming to bitching.

Step 1: Agree with the person. Reassure her that you are on her side.
Step 2: Very tactfully offer your opinion.
Step 3: Allow her to come to her own righteous conclusion. REFRAIN from becoming a saint and providing her with the conclusion.