Selection

It is one thing to be selected because you are good... But to be selected because you are undeserving... that is another thing... I am not talking about taekwondo here.. though for some.. it might be easier to relate it to taekwondo...

For example... you go for a taekwondo selection.. and you fought well... you got selected and you feel like you deserve it... you earned it... and you probably did earn it.. well done... Thing is.. what if you fought badly that day.. but you still got selected.. not because you are good.. but because of God's grace... Wouldn't you feel so much more loved and so much more touched and priviledged...

Danger here is that.. after being selected I was so obsessed with training.. and thing with taekwondo is.. if you are not careful.. you become carried away and become cocky and arrogant... it is very easy to cross that line... What if you become cocky and arrogant and start discriminating your teammates... even though you were originally selected by grace.. wouldn't that make your coach very very sad... and dissapointed... Sadly... I feel that is exactly what is happening to me now...

Perhaps all these happened for God to teach me a lesson... that everything in life is given by God's grace because man have completely fallen short of God's favour when Adam ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil... and that humility itself is what makes salt salty.... and if I should lose this humility... I will also lose my saltiness and fail to do God's work...

I need to become more humble... Forget about myself... Be more selfless and learn to care for ALL those around me.. not only those people I like.. but everyone... I can't do it.. But God can... will commit it into his hands... God's grace!!!

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Shifu keeps saying that I am selected because I bond well with the team... I think he wants me to build a more cohesive atmosphere with the entire team.. but I am a mere human.. empowered by God no doubt but I have my own humanly limitations... I can't seem to get over my irritation with NUS people... I discriminate one of my own...

I guess the more connected you are to a person... the more responsibility you take for her actions.. the more you expect from that person... I was like that with my sister as well... I expected her to be perfect because I thought of her as an extention to myself... much like I see Clara now as an extention of me... and when she does things that don't please me... things I won't do myself.. I will get supremely upset because I feel that she represents the both of us... That itself is making it tremendously hard for me to bond with her...

I hope God and Shifu can give me a less challenging project... Know I can't push Clara to Stella... I can't be so irresponsible.. This is my project... I got to complete it.. It's part of my training to become a better servant of God... I need God's grace to survive this challenge!!!